


a sky full of stars

by urfavwildchild



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Famous Harry, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Isolation, M/M, Mention of Death, Non-Famous Louis Tomlinson, Panic Attacks, Scientist Louis Tomlinson, Strangers to Lovers, Writer Harry, famous/non famous, long hair louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:40:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29536971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urfavwildchild/pseuds/urfavwildchild
Summary: ‘Stop being sorry! It’s not gonna help. I’m stuck in the middle of Antarctica with a fucking writer for the next 4 months!’  一Louis is in Antarctica on a research mission for the UK Space Agency  The peace and quiet he cherishes so much lasts for a few short months  until he has to babysit a young, successful writer who decided to set his next novel in the middle of nowhere.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 15
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer : This is a work of complete fiction. None of the events happened, everything is from my own imagination and has nothing to do with the real-life people mentioned in this fictional story. The story and characters belong to me. Please do not repost or distribute. English is not my first language and I wrote this fiction without a beta. Any grammar mistake is mine and mine only. 
> 
> I am far from being a scientist - when I say far I really mean it - and even though I’ve tried my best to make this accurate, especially the way of life, the weather, the environment, or even the job, there might be some inaccuracy to either fit the plot, or just because I completely made it up.
> 
> this one is for Helen, Jana, Del and Joy, thank you for encouraging me. I still don't know why I started this but thanks for making me finishing it.

_“_ _cause you're a sky, ‘cause you're a sky full of stars_

_‘cause you light up the path_

_i don't care, go on and tear me apart_

_i don't care if you do’_

_a sky full of stars ; Coldplay_

_chapter one : June_

The howling blizzard rattles a comforting beat on the exposed pipes of the small station and swirls the thick blanket of snow. The thermometer in the lab reads minus thirty celsius. The sky is dark just as it has been for the last three months, but it isn’t so bad for a winter day - it’s borderline warm for what the area is used to, Louis thinks. Regardless, he is freezing his ass off as usual. He knows wearing a sweater would help but the morning results just came in and he really can’t be bothered to get up to grab one right now, as he has a report to type up and to send off to whoever is in charge of analyzing them at home. Truthfully, this kind of weather is Louis’ favorite which is why he’s so motivated for his daily report : the storm outside is lulling, rocking the station back and forth. The station is nothing else but a L shaped shelter on solid ground in the middle of nowhere but Louis has spent so much time between these walls it became a second home. Louis always wishes they could have a fireplace. Realistically he knows it wouldn’t be that simple to ship firewood, but a man can dream. Louis adores being in the arctic, so much so that he would live here year-round if possible. There’s something Christmas-y in the air, even in the middle of June and Louis wouldn’t be surprised if Liam and his sister would knock at the door, arms full of presents and a cake. Louis shakes his head, his mouth watering at the thought of a chocolate cake.

Besides the storm and the coffee brewing in the kitchen, the station is silent. Some might get anxious, or claustrophobic for being trapped in such a small space in the desert but not Louis. Louis loves the idea of being the only human being maybe on the whole continent. He is the only human being in the surroundings for sure : the British station is around 10 kilometers away and he only has a vague idea about who’s there at the moment. 

Louis never went to space, even though he’d love to, he didn’t have the chance yet - there is not so much animal species to keep track of in space. Being here, in the middle of nowhere is his space-like environment. Space is probably way more dangerous and requires years of training but Louis can’t be bothered, he loves Antarctica. The quiet, the cold and the polar desert. Night time probably stays Louis' favorite time though. Just the never ending sky above your head and the stars. You feel like the only soul in the world. Louis has tried so many times to try to put words on it. On the feeling. He has probably taken thousands of pictures of the starlit sky but none of them ever do justice to the real landscape. Just like the moon and the stars, the arctic landscape is made to be witnessed with real eyes, not through a screen. If Louis was some kind of songwriter, he would write sonnets and stanzas and whole symphonies about this place. He would use a violin as the wind and a strings orchestra for the raging snowstorm while the crispy sound of the boots on the ice would be a slow ballad with cheesy lines about life and rising suns. Unfortunately, Louis is far from a poet.

Life in Antarctica is slow and quiet. A lull in Louis’ daily hectic life. Louis would trade a never-ending desert for the crowded cities back home though. Louis misses a good and greasy fish & chips. Fries, a pint of beer at the pub down the road, his local gym or the warm feeling of human presence. Antarctica’s pretty dead if he is being 100% honest. Louis misses Liam too and their messy cottage in Chippenham. He’s been here for the last 6 months already and October still seems quite far. He can do this though. He’s asked to be sent here, and he doesn’t regret his decision. Life’s easier in Antarctica. No responsibilities but work, no cleaning duty, no long drive home once in a while to check up on his siblings and their moody teenager-self. Just silence. Complete and utter silence. 

Louis is frowning at seal milk samples in the lab when the loud roaring of an Antarctic snow cruiser shakes up the whole continent in the middle of June, a bit after 10 in the morning. It is still pitch dark outside and Louis is really close to a panic attack. Are they at war? Is an asteroid about to destroy the Earth? Did someone discover a very much alive dinosaur and need him? No one is supposed to visit him today, he would’ve known. The only reason Louis can think of, is that, unfortunately, the world is coming to an end and they pity him for dying alone. Louis runs to grab his [jacket](https://rab.equipment/eu/neutrino-pro-jacket), [gloves](https://rab.equipment/eu/vr-glove), [hat](https://rab.equipment/eu/essential-beanie) and [boots](https://www.thenorthface.com/shop/shoes-mens/mens-back-to-berkeley-redux-leather-boot-cdl0?variationId=H73) on the other side of the lab. He also grabs his phone and the cereal bar on the desk. 

**& **

The scientist slams the heavy steel door behind him. They are actually not really allowed to close doors, it’s in the official guide book of the station. _‘Doors must be left open unless in a case of great emergency._ ’ It is a great emergency. It is a life or death case at this point. The old lab phone line is crackling and Louis really wishes at this exact moment he could phone Liam and beg him to come and get him. Liam is thousands of kilometers away, unreachable until he lands on civilized grounds again. Louis really feels like punching the door while he waits on the phone. A broken wrist wouldn’t help so he doesn’t. He doesn’t know and care about what time it is right now in Swindon, he just wants someone to pick up the goddamn phone. He needs them to. 

‘ _Welcome to the internal line of the UK Spatial Agency, this is a recorded message. Please state your employee number and the number of the office you’d like to reach_ -’ 

‘155204 230710’ Louis says instinctively. 

_‘Welcome Tomlinson Louis_ ,' says the robotic voice on the line, ‘ _your call might be recorded_ \- Yes Tomlinson tell-’ 

‘I’m gonna kill you. I’m gonna kill whoever had this stupid idea.’ 

‘Louis-’

‘It’s my fucking mission Simon. Mine. And- And he’s gonna ruin everything.’ he shouts through gritted teeth as he tries his best not to throw the phone away. Louis' anger issues easily get the upper hand when he hasn't exercised in a while. His jaw is so clenched it hurts. 

‘Louis listen to me please-’ 

‘No, no, no I won’t Simon. I won’t listen to any bullshit you’re gonna give me. I’m on a fucking mission for the Agency, I’m not a babysitter. It was not part of the deal.’

‘Louis son listen.’ Louis stops pacing for a second. ’I’m really sorry Louis. I knew you wouldn’t like the idea.’ the man sighs on the other side of the line. 

‘I hate the idea.’ he mumbles, ‘Why didn’t anyone ask me before sending the guy?’

‘Louis they sent all the paperwork to us, the guy wrote a couple of really great novels already, I didn't really have the choice. The board took the decision almost six months ago, it’s not on me.’

‘I fucking hate you.’

‘I know.’ 

‘I’m gonna sue you.’ 

‘I know.’ 

‘What am I supposed to do with the guy? How long is he here for?’ 

‘You’ll travel together to Santiago in September. We fly you back to Europe and he’ll go back to New-York.’ Louis wipes his face with his free hand. He doesn’t know if he feels sick or tired right now, maybe a bit of both. ‘You must be kidding me.’ 

‘I’m really sorry Louis.’ 

‘Stop being sorry! It’s not gonna help. I’m stuck in the middle of Antarctica with a fucking writer for the next 4 months.’ His boss awkwardly chuckles and Louis can hear him rummaging through papers. ‘You owe me so fucking much for this Simon.’ The man sighs once more. 

‘Try to be nice to him okay?’ he patronises. 

‘Yeah sure whatever.’ Louis rolls his eyes.

‘Louis please.’ 

‘I can’t promise you anything.’ he snaps. He feels like a child throwing a tantrum but he doesn’t really care. He was supposed to spend the next 4 months on his own, minding his own business and recovering from the trauma of his break up. That was the plan. Not babysitting a writer. 

_Louis barges in Eleanor’s office at 6 the next morning. His bloodshot eyes and the purple bags under them are enough to let the assistant know that something is wrong. ‘I can’t go to Patagonia anymore.’ Louis states, his voice rough. The woman frowns at him._

_‘You know I’m not the one in charge of this darling.’ she whispers and Louis whines. Eleanor stands up and closes the door, offering Louis a cup of tea and a chair to sit on. Louis bangs his head on the wood desk and the assistant can’t help but worry for her friend. Just like Louis and Liam she had started working for the Agency as an intern until they hired her the same summer as the two boys. She had always acknowledged how lucky she had been to do her internship at the Agency when she was only a Politics and French undergraduate and to have such an important role in the Agency. Her position had never gone to her head and every once in a while she treated her dad to his favorite restaurant in Bristol to thank him._

_Liam, Louis and herself were the inseparable trio of the company and if Louis hadn’t been obviously gay he knows everyone would have been annoyingly pressuring him to date ‘Simon’s lovely assistant’. Fortunately for them, Louis was very proud of his sexuality and Eleanor happily engaged to her highschool sweetheart. Louis loves the two of them very much and can’t wait for them to give him a godson. (‘I’m not pressuring you El, I know how society pressures women after their 20s to have children but I just want you to know that, you and Max would make the cutest babies ever and I’m super ready to be a godfather. Liam can’t wait either even if he doesn’t want to admit it.’ When the conversation reaches this point, Eleanor always clasps her hands and orders a new round of shots.)_

_‘Lou what happened?’ Louis, who had managed to hold back the tears until now, starts sobbing. ‘Oh Lou.’ The young woman crouches next to his friend and hugs him as best as she can. After a few minutes of soothing words whispered in his ears, Louis finally calms down. ‘Breathe darling please.’ she says as she keeps running her finger through his hair._

_‘Luke broke up with me last night.’ Eleanor chokes on air and Louis whines._

_‘Lou, oh my god. I’m so sorry.’ Her eyes are now brimmed with tears._

_‘I was at his place last night. You’re the first one to know. Liam doesn’t know, he was out with some friends.’ Eleanor growls. ‘He-he kicked me out. He asked me-me to come’ hiccups ‘he made me sit on the couch, he-he had packed the few stuff I had at his place already a-and he told me-’ hiccups ‘-he told me ‘We’re done Louis. Take your stuff and-and leave.’ Louis’ body shakes and his throat is so tight he can barely swallow._

_‘The fucking prick.’ she whispers and Louis whines in her neck. ‘It’s gonna be alright Lou okay? Everything’s gonna be fine. I’ll talk to Simon, we’ll find a way alright? I’m not gonna send you to Patagonia with that douchebag. You’ll be fine babes okay?’_

_Eleanor gives Louis a day off that day and she makes her mission not to start working on anything else until Simon accepts to send Louis elsewhere. The deal is signed in the early afternoon and Louis gets a text from Eleanor that says : ‘trade your shades for gloves babes ;) x’ and one from Liam : ‘why are there rumours of u going to Antarctica? call me asap!!’_

_  
  
_

‘I owe you one okay? Finish your mission, come back to the Agency and we’ll talk about your trip to New Zealand alright? A bit of sun after almost a year in the dark will do you good.’ Louis’ heart backflips in his chest at the mention of his dream-trip. Louis hums.

‘Call me if you need anything Louis.’ 

‘I won’t. I hate you.’ The man on the other side laughs before hanging up. 

Well. Here he is.

**&**

On the other side of the door, while Louis is leaning on the doorframe, looking tired and grumpy, the stranger is still standing in the living room, looking down at the [bags](https://www.thenorthface.com/shop/base-camp-duffel-xl-nf0a3etr) at his feet. He is still wearing his warm [jacket](https://www.thenorthface.com/shop/mens-jackets-vests/steep-tech-down-jacket-nf0a4qyt?variationId=SH3) and boots, he took off his gloves and hat though. A snowflake is melting on the tip of his nose. For a really short second, Louis feels guilty and bad for welcoming him this way. Then he remembers he is here to do his job and the guy will be an annoying child around him, asking questions about the environment or his personal life and Louis doesn’t wanna talk about any of it. Maybe he could tell him about the baby polar skuas he’s been observing for days? For now, he doesn’t feel like talking, so he just clears his throat. The writer snaps his head so fast Louis is scared he broke his neck. 

‘So erm- Is everything okay?’ Louis gives him a tight smile. 

‘Yes. Everything’s alright.’

‘I’m Harry. By the way.’ he whispers and Louis nods. 

‘So, well, Can I- Can I maybe put my stuff somewhere?’ he asks shyly, pointing at the pile of bags at his feet. Louis freezes for a second. He’s gonna have to live AND sleep with a stranger for the next 4 months. He didn't think about this at all. Alright, alright he can do this. 

‘You can take the couch. There is only one bed.’ Writer guy gapes at him before closing his mouth without saying a word.

‘I-‘Alright’ he whispers with a tight smile before clasping his hands and gathering his bags in a pile next to the couch. Louis shrugs before heading to the lab. 

‘Do you-’

‘Sorry, got work to do.’ Louis mumbles before heading to his office. The last thing he sees before slamming the door behind him is a glangy silhouette crashing on the couch, head between their hands. 

**&**

Later that exact day, when Louis is done working and has had time to calm down and process the idea that he’s not gonna be alone anymore for the next 4 months, he decides it is time to greet the guy. 

‘Hi, I’m Louis.’ he says from the door frame of the lab which startles the guy who’s still sitting on the couch, his laptop on his knees, glasses on the top of his head lost in his short curls. He is wearing thick multi-colored sweatpants and a white hoodie a tiny bit too big for him. Louis would definitely swim in this hoodie. He shakes his head, he really doesn’t know why he is thinking about wearing a stranger’s hoodie right now. Louis waves at him with a small smile and while he’s thinking about apologizing for earlier Harry offers him a tired smile before waving back. 

‘Hi Louis’, he says in a whisper. 

‘I’m sorry for earlier. I- They didn’t tell me you were coming. It’s- I’ve been alone for the past 6 months and I wasn’t expecting anyone so, yeah… I’m sorry’ he rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. 

‘Don’t worry. It’s alright.’ Harry's face softens. He looks pretty young. Younger than him that’s for sure. Despite the perfect god-like jawline and the short curly hair, Louis can see the smoothness of his skin. And- what? 

‘-hope you don’t mind that I took a quick look at the place? Not your room or your office though, don’t worry.’ he rushes, his cheeks red and Louis doesn’t know if he wants to roll his eyes at him or pinch his cheeks for being this cute. 

‘Yeah, it’s alright. I’m gonna head to bed now. I have an early day tomorrow. It was nice meeting you Harry.’ Harry's tiny smile drops for a short second. 

‘Yeah, okay. Nice meeting you too.’ 

‘Take whatever in the kitchen. Good night.’ 

‘Good night Louis.’ the writer whispers when Louis closes the door of his room behind him. That night, Louis struggles to fall asleep because his empty stomach, the empty bed next to his and his empty morning schedule reminds him he lied to the guy who's sleeping alone in the living-room of a station in the middle of nowhere for the first time in his life. 

** & **

‘Can you hear me?’ The face on the screen is frozen. ‘Liam can you see me or hear me?’ 

‘Louis?’ Liam’s smiley face moves again. ‘Fucking finally.’ Louis mutters. He’s been trying to reach Liam for almost two days now and though Louis does complain a lot about his shitty internet connection, Liam’s way worse. 

‘How is Antarctica?’ Liam shouts. Louis can see someone digging behind him and even though it’s all a bit blurry because the internet sucks on both continents, he can see they’re currently camping on the side of a mountain, or probably a volcano. 

‘Same as last time. Cold, dark and dead.’ Liam laughs. Louis is jealous of the big blue sky he sees on the screen. ‘How's everything going in Patagonia?’ ‘I’ve heard about your writer.’ they say at the same time and Louis rolls his eyes.

‘Can we not talk about it please?’ 

‘Why not?’ 

‘Because I’m still mad at Simon.’ Louis hates that Liam always sees the bright side of things because he knows he’s gonna tell him something dumb about at least not being alone for the next four months or being grateful for Simon’s sending him to Antarctica instead of sending him to Patagonia as it was planned. Louis has the right to be grumpy and mad. The fact that he hasn’t seen the sun for more than 3 months doesn’t help either. He really does love Antarctica but the big blue sky of South America is really appealing right now. He could use some vitamin D. Louis chuckles at the pun.

‘Can you stop smiling for a second?’ 

‘Can’t hear you Grumpy, gotta go anyway, got work to do. Love you! See you soon.’ the other scientist shouts as he is about to hang up the phone. 

‘Wait Liam!’ Liam freezes.

‘Is he here?’ Louis asks shyly and Liam sighs.

‘Who?’ 

‘You know who.’ Louis says, trying his best to keep his cool when, in reality, all he wants to do is yell at Liam. He knows it’s unfair though, because Liam has nothing to do with Harry being here, Simon’s betrayal or his fucked-up love life.

‘Lou…’ On the other side of the world Liam rubs his face. 

‘So he is here.’ Louis’ jaw clenches. Liam sighs.

‘Yeah he is here. Simon sent him here instead.’ Louis sighs. He knows it’s unfair to hate Liam for this. They are co-workers before being friends, Louis can’t ask Liam to stop talking to him now that they broke up. It hurts his pride to know that his best friend is fraternising with the enemy but it is what it is right? 

‘How is he? Does he look okay?’ 

‘He- yeah. He is okay.’ Liam offers Louis a sad smile and Louis knows Liam pities him right now. Liam and him have been friends for years. They live together, they’ve shared a room in college, they’ve showered together more than once. (Their first flat was so lame they only had 30 minutes of hot water a day which meant dishes once a week and swimsuit showers on Sundays.) He can tell when Liam is lying. They’re practically sharing a brain at this point. 

_Louis met Liam the exact same day he set foot for the first time in the building of the Space Agency. Liam and Louis had both been chosen for an internship, Liam in geology, Louis in biology, and even though both of them had spent the summer delivering coffee to the employees and reading old reports, Louis had loved every second of it. And so had Liam. That is why, when after a whole month, they were called to the HR department, they decided to extend their internship to every summer until they started college. From this day on, they became inseparable, and the two favorite co-workers of basically everyone in the building._

_When the whole two months of internship ended, they swore to each other to stay in touch : they didn’t have so much time and money to see each other during the year. (Liam did surprise Louis in Doncaster for his 16th birthday though.) they were attached by the hip in the summer, sharing a room the Spatial Agency was renting for them. They spent 3 summers running around with cups of coffees and data reports under their arms in the main building of the Space Station. So, it came as no surprise to their parents when they moved together to Manchester, sharing a dorm on campus. Louis had wished for a brother for so long, he couldn’t be any happier. Life went on but nothing really changed : they moved from the dorm to their first flat, then to their second, each summer punctuated by a summer job at the Space Agency. They had no time to go out, only having a pint a couple of times a month, too busy focusing on grades and part time jobs. No time for relationships, prioritizing one night stands and no time for extracurricular activities but football on Tuesdays and Saturdays for Louis and the swimming club on Wednesdays and Fridays for Liam. All their efforts paid off on a day of June : they had just graduated from uni, both in their office at the Space Agency when Eleanor, Simon’s newly hired assistant, called them from her office. When they both entered the room, 2 contracts were waiting for them on her desk. ‘Welcome.’ she had said a bright smile plastered on her face. Later that day, in their rented room, Louis had cried on the phone with his mum. He was almost 23 and had just signed a contract for his dream job with his best friend._

  
  


‘What are you not telling me Liam.’ Liam scratches his eyebrow. He is hiding something. ‘You scratched your eyebrow.’ Now Liam looks genuinely confused. ‘You scratch your eyebrow when you’re lying, or nervous.’ 

‘You don’t want to know Louis.’ 

‘I do.’ he snaps, making Liam jump, and he suddenly remembers that Harry is still asleep in the so-called living-room slash main area and the door is not completely closed. ‘Liam tell me.’ he begs.

‘I wish I was with you Lou.’ 

‘Liam.’ he threatens.

‘You might wanna sit.’ So it is this bad. Louis breathes in and out loudly. ‘I’m fine.’ he lies. Louis clears his throat. ‘Tell me.’ 

‘He’s met someone.’ Louis wishes the ground had opened under him and swallowed him whole. He can’t cry. Not in front of Liam. Not with Harry 5 meters away from him. He can’t. So he takes a deep breath and smiles tightly at Liam.

‘I’m okay Li.’ he says when Liam painfully stares at him through the screen.

‘No you’re not.’ He really isn’t. ‘You have the right to be sad Lou. Embrace your feelings.’ Louis gags and Liam laughs. ‘That’s the reaction I was expecting. You’re not completely gone.’ jokes Liam. ‘Seriously though, you know I’m here. And Lots and El are here too. It’s gonna take time Lou but it’s alright, we’re all here and you’re gonna heal and you’ll be fine alright? I gotta go now. But I hate him too, you know, and I love you very much. Like a lot. A hell of a lot. I really gotta go. See you soon alright?’ Louis doesn’t really know how to thank Liam for being such a good friend so he doesn’t say anything at all. 

‘Love you too.’ he whispers instead when Liam’s face disappears from the small screen of his phone. They were lucky they got to talk for more than 10 minutes as the wifi is so slow here and Liam is literally in the middle of nowhere. Well, Louis is too but he has proper wifi, unlike Liam who’s got to use his phone data at the top of a mountain, or volcano or whatever. 

**&**

Louis tiptoes to the kitchen after his call to make himself a cup of coffee. All he wants to do now is curl up in bed and cry until he falls asleep. Have a day off. Sleep at Eleanor and Max’s and gorges on ice cream. The more he thinks about home the bigger the lump in his throat gets. He needs to get his shit together. He’s not gonna cry about an ex. He has better things to do, like having a cup of coffee. It is 11 already and almost time for his daily workout before lunch. He’ll have time to cry and sleep and whine tonight after his work day. ‘Show must go on’ he thinks. 

The writer is still asleep on the couch and for once Louis will have to pass on his _morning coffee by the window_ ritual. He is grumpy and sad, not an asshole. ‘Were you on the phone?’, the deep and barely awake voice pulls Louis from his thoughts.

‘I’m sorry if I woke you.’ he says from the table, throat tight, his warm cup between his hands. 

‘No, no, it’s alright. I was just asking because I don’t have any signal here of course so I was wondering, that’s all.’ he smiles shyly and Louis realises he didn’t really take a look at the man. His short hair is going in every direction because of a long night of sleep and his whole body is covered by a warm and thick sleeping bag - though Louis can catch a glimpse of a hoodie underneath. 

‘Oh, yeah, we have wifi? A really really slow one but if you have to answer emails or do whatever you have to do I guess it'll be enough?' Harry, all bundled up on the couch, offers him a bright smile. 

‘That'd be great thanks a lot Louis.’ Louis' name rolls on Harry’s tongue like honey. Louis shivers. He is not used to happy human beings who look like excited puppies anymore. 

**&**

Louis doesn’t really see Harry that day. Harry is busy doing whatever writers are supposed to do - which probably involves a lot of typing because Louis can hear the clicking of the keyboard all day. - and Louis is busy analysing his egg samples. He also goes on a walk to escape the heavy atmosphere of the shelter : he is pleased to see that all the baby kuas are still alive. He gives them bits of sardine because he can and goes on a long walk in the dark. He is not supposed to walk far away from the station without any special equipment and the night is really dark at 7 p.m so he just walks around the station. It is past 8 when Louis notices a light in the dark. He is around 50 steps away from the station and it’s lightly snowing. It is not as cold as a couple of days before so Louis tries to enjoy a bit of fresh air. 

‘Louis?’ shouts Harry in the night. 

‘I’m here’ he says. He flashes his light twice before listening to the snow cracking under the writer’s steps. 

‘Is it safe to walk outside?’ he asks when he finally reaches Louis who’s just standing there looking at the night sky.

‘Yeah it is. There’s like 1 or 2 inches of snow and ice but it’s dirt and rocks underneath. We’re safe here.’ Louis can’t contain the roll of his eyes. 

‘Oh. Alright.’ the writer chuckles lightly. Louis looks at him. In the dark he can only slightly notice Harry’s figure and his green vibrant eyes. All of a sudden Louis feels uncomfortable because all of this seems very intimate and he really doesn’t wanna talk. 

‘I thought Antarctica was like a colder version of the moon but I feel really heavy with all of these layers of clothes.’ Louis hums. ‘Do you like it here?’ Harry tries and Louis doesn’t like the idea of talking to anyone, but his mom raised him better. 

‘Yeah I do.’ 

‘Is it your first time here?’ the writer shyly asks. 

‘No it’s not. Came here a couple of times already.’ Louis can feel the lump in his throat getting bigger. Last time he was here, him and Luke had celebrated their second anniversary. 

‘I didn’t see you coming back, I was worried.’ 

‘I’m alright Harry.’ he says and he knows he is trying to convince himself more than anyone else really. He hopes Harry can’t hear how teary and shaky his voice sounds.

‘Okay.’ he whispers. ‘See you later Louis.’ He shyly squeezes Louis' shoulder. Louis closes his eyelids so tightly he can’t tell if the stars he sees are from the night sky from his own brain. He starts crying when he hears the door closing behind Harry. 

** &**

When Louis comes back to the station a bit later, Harry is snoring on the couch, wrapped in two warm blankets. Louis tries to not wake him up when he takes off his shoes and jacket. He is so cold he can’t really think straight anymore and all he can think about is a warm shower and a cup of tea before heading to bed. He’s had enough crying for today and just wants to sleep really. 

He cries once more in the shower when he spots Harry’s toothbrush next to his in the glass on the sink.

And once more before falling asleep because of Harry’s note on the kitchen table : ‘ _didn’t see you eating anything all day, made soup, it’s in the fridge, hope you’re alright x h_ ’. 

There are still some decent human beings in this world then.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, if you’re still reading this, thank you so much it means a lot to me. 
> 
> Second : I mention at one point the documentary ‘The March of the Penguins’ : it’s a French documentary from 2005 about the emperor penguins in Antarctica. I strongly recommend it to you if you have an hour and a half to spare. There is also a sequel of the same name. Let me also remind you that I am not a scientist nor a specialist about Antarctica and even though I have spent hours online watching documentaries, videos and reading articles about the arctic wildlife and life in Antarctica in general there might be some incorrect facts. 
> 
> That being said, here we go.

_chapter two : June_

Harry discovers Louis lied to him a week after he arrived. There is a second bed. There is a second bed in Louis’ room where it’s warmer and safer and Louis had let him sleep on the couch, alone and scared, for a whole week. ‘There is a second bed.’ the writer confronts him one afternoon when Louis comes back from a long walk outside. He had tiptoed in the lab early in the morning and had even skipped his morning coffee to avoid the writer. He just wanted to check on the baby skuas and didn’t want Harry to tag along. They’re all still alive and waiting for their mum to come back to the nest. Louis is scared one of them, or all of them, get eaten by a seal. He’s been observing their mum for months, way before they were even eggs and if Louis has named them all, no one but him will know. 

Therefore, he is in a good mood when he walks all the way home and mentally reminds himself to tell Harry about polar bears and how they don’t live in Antarctica. He doesn’t really know if it’s gonna be helpful for his book but it should be common knowledge really. Louis doesn’t have time to tell Harry about polar bears, because when he comes back, as soon as he opens the door actually, Harry is already standing in the living room, his fists on his hips, glaring at Louis.

‘There is a second bed.’ he states coldly. And, well, yes. Louis doesn’t say anything. He needs to take off his whole attire so he heads to the couch to take off his boots. ‘Are you not gonna say anything?’

‘What do you want me to say?’ he asks coldly.

‘I don’t know, sorry I lied to you and left you alone and cold in the living room for a whole week when there was an unused bed in my room.’ Harry spits.

‘You went to my room?’ Louis drops his jacket on the floor. 

‘You f-’ Harry breathes deeply through his nose, ‘You didn't warn me you were leaving, I was looking for something to do.’ 

‘By sneaking into my room.’

‘I was looking for something to read. The lab was closed so I tried the room. And there is a fucking bed there!’ Louis crosses the small room and storms into the bedroom, Harry right behind him. 

‘What are you doing?’ he asks. As an answer, Louis grabs the mattress and drops it right at Harry’s feet, who squeals. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ he shouts, the mattress on the floor between the two of them like a boxing ring.

‘Take the freaking mattress Harry and get the hell out of my room. I didn’t ask you to come here. I don’t want you here. Not in my room, not in this place, not even on this continent.’ Louis throws his arms in the air dramatically while Harry looks down. The younger one grabs the pillow and the comforter before dragging the mattress to the living room. Louis can hear him sniffling but he doesn’t care. He just want September to be around the corner already to fly back home and never hear about stupid Harry ever again. He slams the door behind the writer but ends up even more frustrated as the door doesn’t slam, too heavy for it. He kicks it instead and fumbles for his phone to call Eleanor.

**& **

The afternoon passes in a blur : Louis locks himself up in the lab after calling Eleanor and Harry is laying on the couch, eyes closed. Because Louis is a nosy twat and feels a tiny bit guilty for screaming at Harry, he pretends, every half hour or so, to go make himself a cup of tea or fill up his water bottle. Which makes him feel even worse because they are not supposed to use that much water and if Simon knew how much water he was wasting, he would kill him, but well. Louis doesn’t really care. He is curious. He needs to know what Harry’s doing. Harry spends the afternoon laying on his back on the couch, eyes closed and music blasting in his ears. Louis doesn’t try to talk to him. He just wants to make sure he is okay. Which, he isn’t really sure he is. 

When Louis gets out of the lab around 9 his apology plan in mind Harry is already snoring on the mattress he had put between the wall and the couch. Louis isn’t sure Harry had dinner so he doesn’t forget to add a bit more pasta than usual in the boiling water and he leaves him a note on the fridge saying ‘sorry for earlier, i am a twat, didn’t completely mean what i said, forgive me? :(‘ If he had been alone, he would have probably eaten plain pasta at his desk but he sticks to the plan and prepares a quick tomato sauce he leaves in a small container in the fridge next to the plate of pasta and tiptoes to his lab, his plate and a cup of tea in hands, determined to re-read one last time his notes for his presentation tomorrow.

**&**

‘Louis.’ Louis’ eyelashes flutter as he groans. His back and neck hurt and the light’s too bright. ‘Louis.’ Harry whispers in his ear, shaking him slightly. Louis sits up and runs his hand in his hair. 

‘What time is it?’ His voice is hoarse and his eyes can barely stay open. 

‘Almost 1. I saw the light and the door was slightly open. You’ll be more comfortable in your bed.’ he whispers and Louis is hit with a pang of guilt. Harry is wrapped in his sleeping bag, his hood on his head and his sweatpants tucked in his socks. Louis wants to hug him tight and tuck him in bed. He wants to run his hands in his hair and kiss his fingers and- Jesus. He really needs some sleep. 

‘Louis you okay?’ Harry asks, smiling down at him. Harry should hate him. Louis has been nothing but an ass to him and while he should at least be a bit mad at him, Harry is the loveliest and kindest human being Louis has ever met. 

‘Yeah, yeah I’m okay. Sorry.’ he smiles at Harry. He is still in a bit of a sleepy haze and all he wants is to go back to sleep. He stands up and stretches. ‘Thanks for waking me up, my back owes you one.’ he jokes weakly and Harry snorts. ‘I’m gonna head to bed now. Thank you Harry.’ 

Harry nods at him and Louis leads the way to the living-room. He waves one last time at Harry before closing his room’s door. He doesn’t think about a lonely Harry sleeping on the floor in the living-room while falling asleep. He absolutely doesn’t. 

**&**

Louis is awake by 4 the next morning and even though it takes him almost 25 minutes to get out of bed, he is in a very good mood. Completely sleep deprived. But in a good mood. He has several emails to send and so much to do before his presentation at 4 this afternoon but he is incredibly excited. He has the whole day ahead of him - stupid time difference. - but his brain cannot stop thinking about his presentation. Today is a big day and nothing will take this from him. He’s been waiting for this presentation for months. 

Besides Harry, Louis hasn’t really been in contact with human beings recently. Well there are Liam and his weekly phone calls or Eleanor, Lottie and even Simon’s emails but still. He hasn’t had a proper human interaction for months. Louis is an extrovert and to survive, he needs human interaction. No need to say that being away on his own for half a year already doesn’t help with making friends and remember how to have a proper conversation. 

‘What are you thinking about?’ Louis jumps at the kitchen table, his hand on his chest. 

‘Jesus, H. You almost killed me there.’ The writer chuckles. 

‘You were deep in your thoughts I see.’ Louis hums. ‘What were you thinking about?’ ‘Listen Harry.’ They say at the same time. Louis is playing nervously with his fork on the table and Harry is pouring himself a cup of tea. He is wearing his rainbow-ish sweatpants but is barefeet and only wearing a plain white short sleeve shirt. It would be a lie to say Louis is not breathtaken. Because he is. He is human after all, and highly sex deprived, you can’t blame him to admit how gorgeous Harry is. ‘Go first.’ Harry says with a grin and for the first time, Louis wants to kiss his smile away and it scares the shit out of him if he is 100% honest. Louis exhales nervously. He feels really self-conscious all of a sudden with Harry’s gaze on him. 

‘I just wanted to apologize for the whole bed thing?’ 

‘Is it a question or are you genuinely sorry?’ The writer glares at him. The atmosphere is probably as cold as outside now. Louis clears his throat, uncomfortable. He stands up from the chair he was sitting on and takes a few steps towards Harry who is now turning his back at him. 

‘Listen Harry.’ he whispers, his hands on Harry’s shoulder. He can feel the writer shivering under his fingers and Louis can’t help but notice how strong Harry seems to be. He wishes he had such a developed upper body : he works out everyday for the sake of his job and he has never reached Harry’s shoulder span. He has pretty muscular thighs though. 

Harry turns around, his steaming cup in hands. They’ve never been this close before and Louis hopes the younger one can’t hear his heart pounding in his chest. Louis’ mouth is dry and so is his brain. Harry is intensely staring at him and from such a small distance Louis gets lost in his eyes. Louis’ are blue as the sea or as a summer sky. Harry’s, though, are lively and dark and you kind of want to get lost in them just like you want to get lost in a forest. Louis gapes at him before resuming. ‘Harry listen. I haven’t been a good host, friend, coworker or whatever you want us to be.’ Harry’s lips curl up at the end. ‘I’m sorry. For real. I made a mistake and I wanna be a better human around you.’ 

‘Friends.’ Louis frowns. ‘You said whatever I want us to be.’ Realisation dawns on Louis. ‘I want us to be friends.’  _ We could be more _ , Louis’ brain adds. Harry cheeks redden and Louis hopes he didn’t say that out loud. He gives his hand to Harry who puts down his cup on the counter to shake his hand. Louis’ hand is small and cold in Harry’s big and warm hands. 

‘Who the hell has such big hands.’ Louis huffs and Harry barks a laugh. 

‘You know what they say about the size of your hands.’ Harry smirks in his cup. Louis groans, tilting his head back. 

‘Gross Styles. We’re having breakfast right now.’ he says to stop his brain to think about what Harry is hiding in his pants. He is flustered enough by the writer’s presence. He doesn’t need sexual innuendos on top of that. 

‘What are your plans for today?’ Harry asks, leaning on the counter, sipping on his tea. Louis is back to the kitchen table, munching on his toasts. He is starving after his morning work-out. He usually doesn’t work-out before 11 and have lunch right after but as he was awake at 4 today, he just decided to exercise earlier and deal with the paperwork after a warm shower. 

Harry’s lips are still wet from the water in his cup and Louis wants to taste his mouth.  _ Get it together Tomlinson _ . ‘I have a conference at 4 for a school back home. Most exciting day in a while I reckon.’ he smiles. ‘What about you?’ Harry shrugs. 

‘Nothing exciting really. I’ll try to write. A bit of a writer’s block lately. If I could write 5,000 words today that’d be awesome-’ Louis laughs at the american accent. 

‘You’ve spent too much time across the ocean dear. I’m surprised you get my accent.’ Harry flips him off. 

‘Do you mind if I attend your conference?’ Harry asks shyly from behind his cup. His cheeks are a light colour of pink and Louis thinks he looks absolutely precious like this. He takes a mental picture of him.

‘You don’t have to.’ he says softly. 

‘I want to.’ Louis shrugs. 

‘Be ready for 4 then.’ Harry fist pumps the air and Louis can’t help but shake his head, hardly trying to hide his smile. ‘You’re ridiculous. 

**&**

‘Hey mister Louis?’ Louis can see a small and chubby hand waving on the right of the screen. All the kids are sitting cross-legged on a bright red carpet in what looks like a library. Some of them are loudly sucking on a lolly and Louis guesses that today is kind of a special day for them. 

‘Yes love?’ The teacher crouches behind the small boy and whispers something in his ear. He nods before standing, with the help of the teacher. The small red-haired boy takes a few steps towards the giant screen they set up in the library like a cinema screen. ‘’ello Mister Louis, I’m Charly, with a Y.’ Louis waves at him, grinning. 

‘Hi Charly with a Y, I’m Louis with an L.’ Louis jokes and the small boy giggles. ‘Did you have a question for me, love?’ Louis glimpses at Harry sitting on the other side of the kitchen table, going unnoticed for the kids. His eyes are glistening with admiration.  _ You’re doing great _ , he mouths, his thumbs raised in the air next to his face. Louis wants to kiss him. Which is weird but he doesn’t hate the idea. 

‘What’s your job?’ Louis smiles at him. 

‘Well. As I told you before, I am a zoologist which is a big scary word to say that I study animals, all kinds of animals.’ He can see their eyes widening and their sticky little fingers pointing at him. Louis has to fight a laugh when Harry grins at him. ‘Here in Antarctica I mainly observe birds to see how they live.’ Charly nods and seems satisfied with the answer because he turns around and goes back to sit on the carpet. 

‘Hey Mister Louis do you have ice-cream in Antarctica?’ asks Sally, a short haired girl who had asked earlier how many comforters Louis has in his bed. Louis cannot contain his laugh. For a second he is scared he had upset the little girl but she is grinning at him and Louis can spot a couple of missing teeth in her mouth. 

‘I unfortunately don’t. It’s pretty cold here you know. I drink a lot of soup.’ he grimaces and the kids laugh. 

‘Mister Louis, do you have friends in Antarctica?’ Harry who hasn't taken his eyes off Louis wiggles his brows at him and Louis fights a wide smile. 

‘My birds are my friends.’ he exclaims and once more, all the children burst into laughter. 

‘Real friends you silly.’ Louis slaps his hand on his forehead. 

‘Oh yes silly me, of course you meant real human friends!’ He winks at them or at Harry, he doesn’t really know anymore. ‘I actually do.’ Harry widens his eyes at him. ‘Do you guys wanna meet my friend Harry?’ The children start jumping up and down in the library and Louis looks at Harry who really looks like a lost puppy all of a sudden. ‘C’mon Harold don’t be shy.’ he says and Harry pops up behind him, waving at all the tiny humans facing him. 

‘Hello everyone. I’m Harry.’ he says in a strong American accent. After that it’s all a bit of a mess really: all the children start clapping and cheering at ‘Mister Harry’ until the teacher asks them to sit down and say goodbye to Mister Louis and Mister Harry. They all sit down on the carpet except for a few of them and wave goodbye at the two men. Louis waves at them one last time before hanging up. Louis runs a hand in his hair before grinning at Harry who's still crouching next to him. 

‘Well, that was it Mister Harry.’ His stomach twists in his belly. 

**&**

‘What are you gonna do when you go back to New-York?’ 

Louis is sitting on the kitchen table, his legs dangling in thin air. Harry is cooking whatever for dinner. He had begged to cook a celebratory dinner and Louis hadn't had the strength to turn down Harry’s puppy eyes. From where he is perched, the sight looks a bit domestic. Harry cooking dinner while they chat about their job. Louis tries not to think about Harry baking in his giant New-York penthouse while he would observe him from the counter, both sipping wine. 

‘Well, I hope I’ll be done with my book by then so it’ll probably be a lot of meetings, planning a signing tour, starting thinking about my next book as well. But yeah, overall a lot of meetings.’ he shrugs. ‘Nothing really interesting honestly.’ 

‘You don’t like the publishing process?’ Louis asks curious and Harry stops stirring for a second to think. 

‘It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s just a lot of meetings for details. Like deciding the cover of the books and shooting the promo pictures. I’m a writer not a businessman, I don’t like paperwork. I just like writing stories.’ Louis chuckles. ‘And you what are you gonna do?’ Harry glances at him and Louis goes silent for a bit. 

‘Well my boss did promise me a trip to New Zealand so who knows when it’s gonna happen. Not before the summer probably but a man can dream.” he chuckles and Harry shakes his head, trying to hide his smile. 

‘What are you gonna do in New Zealand? Work?’

‘Nah. It’s for personal reasons only.’ Louis winks at Harry. 

‘Why New Zealand then?’

‘I think I’ve always been quite intrigued by islands? I don’t really know but I’ve had this obsession with New Zealand for years and never had the chance to go. It’s far, expensive and I can’t really leave my family for this long. They are older now though, that’s why I’ve been accepting more and more missions abroad. I need to start thinking a bit about me as well. I’m turning 30 in a bit more than a year, I really wanna go there.’ he shrugs and Harry is smiling at him. 

‘I hope you’ll get the chance to go then.’ Louis chuckles. 

‘I will, I don’t know when but I will. It’s like a dream trip? I know it’s kinda stupid but I know I’ll go one day.’

‘It’s not stupid.’ Harry says. ‘Will you bring Liam with you? Or someone else?’ Louis burst out laughing and Harry looks at him confused. 

‘No way in hell I’m bringing him with me. New Zealand is mainly volcanoes and mountains, he’d drag me to collect rock and sand.’ Harry laughs and Louis wipes a tear. ‘Good joke Harold.’ he says and Harry sticks out his tongue at him. “But seriously, I think I’ll go alone. I mean, I don’t wanna bring Liam nor Eleanor and Max. My siblings are also excluded. So really I don’t know. I’d rather go alone than inviting anyone and not having a good time.’ he shrugs. ‘I’m not scared of travelling alone, I’m used to it.’ 

  
  


**&**

  
  


‘Hey Harry!’ Louis shouts from his office slash lab. He is in an extremely good mood today after the success of his online conference two days ago. Living with Harry is still complicated some days, after what Louis would call ‘ _ the bed incident’  _ but Louis really wants to redeem himself so he really tries his best to keep the atmosphere in the station light and childish. He knew he had messed up by lying to Harry ‘Hey Harry’ he whispers-shouts knocking on the door frame. Harry is laying on the ground, wrapped in a warm hoodie. Louis thinks he is rather cute all bundled up in his too big of a hoodie. He had never noticed Harry was wearing glasses, he was aware he was wearing contacts because he had seen the contact box in the bathroom but he didn’t think he was wearing glasses too. Louis’ blood is thick in his veins, heating up his cheeks. Louis has a strange thing for men with glasses. It had started as an inside joke between him and Liam at Uni but he had soon realised that he had indeed something for men with glasses. Made them smarter maybe? Hotter for sure. Harry is handsome, it’s a fact. An undeniable fact. But there is something about him that Louis can’t really figure out. He is shy like a child but doesn’t have any problem going live on TV for an interview. He’s written successful novels at a really young age but has trouble finding the right words when he is talking to someone. There is something contradictory about Harry Styles and Louis is quite endeared by it. 

The writer, laid on his stomach, is swinging his feet in the air to the beat of the music he is listening to. The bottom of his sweatpants is tucked in an ugly, though warm, pair of wool socks. Louis is lost in his thoughts, focused on how fast Harry is typing and hypnotised by the way his head is moving to the beat of the music when the younger man glances at him, one eyebrow raised as an unspoken question. Louis shakes his head before grinning. ‘Do you wanna see something really really cool?’ he asks, slightly jumping up and down on his tiptoes. Harry chuckles. 

‘Yeah sure.’ 

‘Alright, great, grab your coat and shoes we’re going outside!’ he shouts running to his office. 

Louis drives for almost 45 minutes in the dark night before turning off the small vehicle. ‘Well, here we are.’ he sighs. ‘Sorry it's not usually that long but the dark doesn't make it easy.’ Harry smiles feebly. 

‘Is it the moment where you kill me and get rid of my body in the middle of nowhere?’ The scientist barks a laugh. 

‘Nah don't worry.’ he says in a bad American accent and Harry tries to relax. 

‘What are we doing here then?’ Louis grabs his torch and gets out of the car. He knocks loudly on the hood of the car making Harry jump. 

‘Alright Harold come on.’ Harry gets out and runs after Louis who's standing a couple of meters away from the vehicle. 

‘Lay on the ground.’ Louis instructs while crouching. 

‘On the ice?’ Louis rolls his eyes but because of the darkness, he’s not sure Harry can see him. At the lack of answer, the writer lays down. 

‘Put your ear against the ice.’ the scientist whispers. Harry feels like the only soul in the world- 

‘What the hell was that?’ he jumps and Louis shushes him. The writer is the one rolling his eyes this time.

‘It's seals.’ Louis says once the noise under the ground fades away. 

‘Seals?’

‘We're on the ice here-’ Louis stomps his feet loudly. ‘The station is on solid ground but here we're just floating on the ocean.’ Harry shivers. ‘They are right under our feet.’ The writer looks at his feet. ‘I always think it’s quite fascinating. We’re here and they’re there and we’re both sharing the same land but living two different lives. They’re right under us probably not knowing we’re here and we’re standing there without really knowing what they do. It’s just….’ 

‘Fascinating.’ Louis raises his head and grins at the writer. 

‘Exactly.’ The look stupid really. The two of them laying on the thick ice. They are so close Louis doesn’t know if the air he feels on his face is Harry’s breath or the wind. They’re staring at each other and it seems like the world has stopped spinning. Louis’ heart is pounding so loudly in his chest he is scared it could stop at any moment. He wouldn’t mind dying here. He hadn’t realised he had stopped breathing until he feels Harry’s fingers brushing his forehead. He is wearing a beanie but a strand of hair still managed to escape. Harry is smiling at him and Louis wants to devour his lips. 

‘You’re quite passionate about your job aren’t you?’ Harry asks quietly.

‘Yeah.’ Louis breathes through his mouth.

‘That’s cute.’ the writer whispers against the ice, his eyes closed. Louis’ brain stops functioning after that. 

**&**

‘Hey Lou?’ 

‘Mmh?’ None of them notes the nickname out loud but Louis can see the light shade of pink on Harry's cheeks from the corner of his eyes. They are both sitting at the table, Louis working on his laptop and Harry scribbling in one of his many notebooks. It’s a couple of days after the seals escapade and something has changed between them. It’s nicknames, touches, looks. There is something different. Softer. More intimate. 

‘What’s under the ice?’ the writer randomly asks. He is frowning at the black marker he uses to write, nervously playing with his fingers. He has been writing and scratching and sighing for the past 20 minutes and Louis feels bad for him. 

‘You really wanna know?’ 

‘Yeah. I do.’ Louis clears his throat. He never pretended he knew everything about Antarctica or even the planet Earth in general but, unlike some of his coworkers who had come with him here the first time, he had truly loved the introduction presentation Simon gave them before going on their first field trip. He had actually loved it so much that he and Liam had spent a whole month before their departure watching documentaries about Antarctica. 

‘Well for a very long time scientists thought there was nothing but there is actually a lake.’ Louis states, eyes focused on his screen. ‘A lake?’ Harry asks, eyes wide. ‘15 thousand square kilometers and 12 000 meters deep lake.’ Harry narrows his eyes at him, doubtful. ‘I don’t believe you.’ ‘Well, I’m telling the truth.’ 

‘Where can I see it then?’ His arms are crossed on his chest, smirking at Louis. Louis sighs. 

‘You can’t.’ 

‘Then I don’t believe you.’ he teases.

‘Harry.’ Louis groans. ‘I mean you could if you wanted to-’ Harry’s face lightens up like a Christmas tree. ‘If you wanted to dig almost 4,000 meters of snow.’ Harry frowns which makes Louis laugh. ‘Why don’t you believe me?’ 

‘I do. I was just teasing. Kinda.’ Louis finally looks at Harry, placing a hand on his heart, pouting. Harry throws him a pen and Louis laughs before rubbing his face. ‘I’m serious though, trust me. I’d never lie to you-’ Harry hums and all of a sudden the childish atmosphere falls flat and Louis chuckles lightly. The writer is now back to scribbling in his notebook on a new blank page. Louis bites the inside of his cheeks, not really knowing what to do. In a rush of courage, Louis pokes at Harry’s hand on his left until the writer finally gives up. 

‘What do you want Louis?’ he asks, sighing. 

‘I want to apologize.’ Harry hums. ‘Harry I’m sorry alright? I’ve been a dick to you once c’mon I’m sorry I lied okay.’ Louis considers telling Harry about Luke, their break up and how this mission was supposed to be Louis’ recovery. Louis rubs his face. ‘I’m sorry. Really sorry. I just want you to trust me.’ he says, ashamed. When he looks up from the table, Harry offers him a lopsided smile before nodding.

‘It’s alright Louis. I understand. You didn’t want me here, it’s fine. We’re friends now aren’t we?’ 

‘No, no you don’t understand, it’s-’  _ It’s me being an asshole because he broke my heart.  _

‘It’s?’

‘I-’  _ I was in love and he left and now he has someone else to share a bed with and I’m all alone in a room I was supposed to share with him. _

‘You?’ 

‘There is something else I can’t tell you about and that’s why I didn’t offer the second bed.’ he whispers, hiding his face in his hands. He feels very much like crying right now. Harry looks confused but Louis can’t say more. He already feels the heavy lump in his throat getting bigger and if he mentions or thinks about Luke again he knows he is going to cry. He doesn’t want to cry in front of Harry. 

‘Okay.’ Harry whispers and Louis can see he is hurting. He really wishes he could hug him right now. He squeezes his hand instead. 

**&**

Liam calls later, when the both of them are silently working at the kitchen table, Louis’ brows are frowned over a 32-page long pdf of scribbled notes he can barely decipher. Harry is watching whatever on his laptop and Louis is convinced he doesn’t really work but Harry is also taking notes so maybe he is really working. Louis can’t really judge anyways. Harry’s the writer here. 

“ _ When was Antarctica formed?’  _ Is this some kind of secret code I have no idea about? Is it a game you’ve invented because you were bored and forgot to mention?’ Liam rolls his eyes at Louis and eHarry giggles behind his laptop. 

‘Actually no Liam. It’s not some kind of game.’ Louis snaps back and Liam raises his head from the ground where he is doing something including mud and water and a lot of tools according to what Louis can see.

‘What do you want Louis, I’m busy right now.’ Liam rubs his face and smears mud all over his face. Louis snorts. 

‘On a scale to 1 to 10 how much do you enjoy being covered in mud?’ Louis teases and his best friend flips him off. Louis, determined to humiliate Liam, waves at Harry to ask him to come closer. The younger one obeys, grinning, and crouches next to him, his right elbow resting on the back of the chair for balance.

‘Liam. This is Harry.’ Louis grins and Liam waves his muddy and dripping hand at him. 

‘Hi Harry. Nice to meet you!’ he says with a grin. ‘Sorry I look awful but well, it’s still nice to see you. I hope this dickhead doesn’t get you in trouble too much.’ He pokes his tongue at Louis who flips him off one more time. Harry laughs in his hand. Liam can see the endearment in Louis’ gaze and he is definitely gonna tease him about it later. 

‘Are you gonna answer our question then?’ Liam gapes at them for a second. ‘Wait- Are you for real?’ Louis places a hand on his heart, throwing his head backwards.

‘I am wounded Liam. Doing this to me? Your very favorite best friend?’ Harry slaps him lightly on the arm.

‘You always call my rocks boring!’ Harry giggles. 

‘Rocks really are boring’ he whispers to Harry and Harry fights a smile. 

‘Liam, dear Harold here-’ he puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder which causes the writer to lose his balance and ends up on his butt. Without a second thought, Louis offers half of his chair to Harry who nods and squeezes by his side. ‘-asked me the question and I have absolutely no idea so I was like : we should call Liam.’ and here we are.’ Liam shakes his head, laughing lightly. 

‘Alright, alright. Give me a sec.’ The screen turns black for a moment before showing Liam again, a yellow helmet on his head and several tools in his now clean hands. 

‘What were you doing anyway?’ asks Louis sipping on a warm cup of tea. 

‘Digging a hole.’ he deadpans and Louis rolls his eyes.

‘What is he digging a hole for?’ Harry whispers on Louis left. 

‘Harold here asks what are you digging a hole for.’ Liam smiles.

‘Hey Harry you could’ve asked me.’ Liam had always been good with kids. Harry blushes. 

‘Liam wait we’re gonna sit down on the couch so I can nap while you and Harry talk about rocks.’ Liam rolls his eyes at his friend. The scientist takes Harry’s hand and heads towards the couch where they both crash like two heavy weights.

‘Alright we’re ready now.’ Louis announces, his voice muffled by the blanket he wrapped himself in. They are both sitting cross legged on the couch, Louis’ phone facing them vertically on a chair. Louis would groan at Liam on the phone later when he would text him a screenshot of the two of them wrapped in their duvets like two children. 

**&**

‘What you watching?’ Harry asks while munching on…. a carrot? Louis shakes his head, amused. 

‘The March of the Penguins.’ He is currently laying on the small couch in the main area, leaning his back on the arm rest. Louis wished they had a small table where he could just put his feet on, just like they have back home. Louis hadn’t realised he had started daydreaming about cuddling Harry at their place, until the younger one is munching loudly on his crispy snack, pulling him out of his own thoughts. 

‘What’s that?’ he says mouth full while offering a carrot to Louis. Louis refuses with a grimace and an ‘Ew’ which makes Harry chuckle.

‘A documentary about penguins. Wanna watch?’ Louis pauses the documentary on his laptop to let Harry crash next to him. The writer grins at him. Louis rolls his eyes when Harry stands up after a second to run to his bed and grab the comforter. He doesn’t say anything though, because Harry knows he is joking and he is looking at him with his beaten puppy eyes and Louis is just too endeared to tease him anyway.

It should be weird, to be this close to Harry for almost two hours. To be squeezed against one another, almost cuddling. Louis should feel even more weird when, halfway through the movie Harry offers to share his duvet with Louis and they end up bundled up against each other for another 45 minutes. Louis doesn’t want to run away. He’d rather have Harry’s hand in his. Harry’s head ends up on Louis shoulder by the end of the documentary. His eyelids are heavy and Louis is pretty convinced he cried at one point if he can trust the dry tear tracks on his rosy cheeks. Louis doesn’t want to wake him up from his half asleep state. He wants to keep him against him forever, and the thought of it should scare him but no. The only thing he can think about is how lovely it would be to have movie nights at their place

with Liam, Eleanor, Max and Harry’s mates. Louis shakes his head and muffles a laugh in the duvet. Next to him, Harry slurs half asleep : ‘What are you laughing about?’ Louis can’t really tell him what he was giggling about, can he? He doesn’t even know if Harry’s gay. (Though he thinks he’s read something about it somewhere online.) Louis shrugs, forgetting for a second about Harry’s head on his shoulder. Harry makes a weird noise between a groan and a giggle. 

‘Nothing. I was just thinking about the day I came out to my mum.’ Louis closes the laptop and Harry, probably taking this as his call, sits properly and stretches. Louis shivers, cold, after cuddling with Harry for almost two hours. Harry yawns and Louis can’t disagree when his brain starts thinking about how lovely Harry looks with his sleepy eyes and disheveled hair.

‘Tell me?’ 

_ Louis had always known. He had never been of those kids who wake up one day and start what Liam calls a Great Gay Awakening with capital letters. Louis knew, and as the extrovert kid he was he had never been ashamed of his sexuality. It doesn’t mean he wasn’t scared though. He was proud of his northern roots, played football and was a loud mouth, always standing up for the shyest. Though he was also a theater kid, liked nail polish and his mum’s high heels at home because it made him feel like ‘the most powerful man ever’. So yes, Louis was scared of bullies and close-minded classmates. His luck probably laid in the fact that he grew in the same neighborhood his whole life and went to school with the same kids from his early years to Year 11. Everyone knew and loved Louis and even if some neighbors and parents glared at him in the streets a couple of weeks after he kissed his boyfriend in front of their locker in year 10, it quickly died down. So Louis never actually came out to his family and the day the headmaster called his mum to warn her he’d be in detention for the rest of the semester because he was caught kissing one of his classmate instead of being in his PE class, Jay knew they were talking about Sami, the new French kid in Louis’ class he had been talking about for almost a month. When Louis asked her 10 days later how she knew after he had found condoms and lube in a rainbow box on his desk, she just shrugged and said ‘When you know you know you know?’. Louis loved it so much he got it tattooed on the right side of his ribcage when he turned 18.  _

Harry cooes. ‘That’s so sweet of her. You were really lucky to have such a good experience, some of my mates didn’t have this chance.’ Louis shrugs. 

‘You’re supposed to love you kid no matter what.’ Harry nods. 

‘That’s true. Mine were really understanding as well, though I went through this Great Gay Awakening.’ Louis barks out a laugh. So Harry is gay. Awesome. 


	3. Chapter 3

_chapter three : July ; week 1 and 2_

  
  


_Louis was 6 when he decided he'd like to be an astronaut, 8 when he thought about becoming an explorer and 10 when he talked about being a sailor. So it came as no surprise when he started volunteering for the local animal shelter at 11 and completely cut on meat and fish the year after. No surprise either when he said at 13 he would move to New Zealand one day to open a shelter for the animals he'd save from marine parks and when he moved from good ol’ Donny to Manchester to study zoology at uni when he was soon to turn 18. Louis’ dream career was definitely planned out by the age of 13 when he came across the website of the British Space Agency : he had spent the day reading about their different missions and about how they were indeed hiring the best biologists of the country, including wildlife zoologists. Being one of them had never left Louis’ mind. He was a good student, not the perfect one, he had still some troubles focusing in class or was sometimes too busy chatting with his classmates to pay attention but overall he was a bubbly, charming, smart and witty student. He had the best grades in science and PE and was always willing to give a hand to anyone. Some thought Louis was too nice or too boring but Louis never changed. He loved school and he knew that one day it’d pay off._

_The infamous ‘pay off day’ was a random day of April : Louis had turned 15 last December and they were halfway through the school year when the phone loudly rang in the kitchen one Saturday afternoon. ‘Louis! Phone call for you!’ had screamed Charlotte from the kitchen while Louis was slouched on the couch in his dirty football attire. (He had just kicked his muddy shoes next to the door, he knew how mad his mum would get if he stained the living-room carpet.) ‘Who is it?’ he had whispered to his sister while grabbing the phone. She shrugged before running back upstairs. A few minutes later, Louis was running upstairs, shouting for his mum. ‘Oh my god Mum you won't believe it oh my god!’ he had screamed, bursting into the room where his mum was bottle feeding one of the twins. ‘Mum you won’t believe it I- I-’ Jay, sat in a rocking chair in the corner, was watching him, amused._

_‘Breathe baby please, calm down.’ she said while looking down at Daisy - or Phoebe, Louis still had troubles to differentiate them._

_‘Okay okay, look I’m breathing.’ He exaggeratedly breathed in and out a couple times. Jay nodded. ‘Alright, alright, hear me out.’ he said dramatically and Jay thought she had been right to sign him for this drama camp last summer. ‘So, you know Mr. Winston? My biology teacher.’ Jay nodded. ‘Well, so, I just got an internship at the British Space Agency.’ he said solemnly, his eyes closed, too scared to face his mum’s reaction._

_‘You what? What does it have to do with Mr. Winston?’_

_‘Long story short he talked to me about it and I applied.’ The real story was that Mr. Winston had told Louis about how hard it was to work for the Space Agency but that it was possible if Louis kept his grades high enough to go to college and apply for a job there afterwards. Louis had just thought that sending his grades and letter to ask for an internship was faster and he had nothing to lose. Jay was really quiet and Louis didn’t know if it was good or bad. ‘You mad?’ he whispered._

_‘I- No! I’m not Louis, I’m just surprised. You didn’t talk to me about it. I didn’t know about the Space Agency-’_

_‘Mum I told you about it a thousand times already!’ Louis says rolling his eyes._

_‘I know I know baby I’m sorry.’ she whispered while carrying Daisy - or Phoebe - to her crib. Once they were both sitting on the couch downstairs, Jay sewing back the button of Louis’ jacket, the twins napping upstairs, Lottie and Felicité both playing outside, she had asked : ‘Okay so tell me about the internship’ and Louis had grinned so wide his cheeks hurt._

  
  


**&**

Some would think that being on your own for so long, so far away from any human being, locked up in a scientific station in the middle of almost nowhere would be scary as hell and the quietness of the place would drive you mad. It’s not the case for Louis. Louis doesn’t really listen to music. He does sometimes in the car - though he is way fonder of sport games on the radio. - but that’s very much it, so when he enters the station one afternoon, his teeth chattering because of the deadly blizzard outside, and hears music coming from the bathroom, Louis is very surprised. Harry has been really quiet since he arrived there, and even though it probably has to do with the fact that Louis is not the chattiest person out there, he’s never heard Harry talking about music or even playing any. Yes of course, he had seen Harry with his earphones plugged to his laptop a couple of times but they had never really shared a conversation about music. Louis wouldn’t know what to say honestly. 

Though here he is, standing in the middle of the living room, his jacket dripping in a puddle of melted snow and ice, listening to the writer singing in the shower. He would be unable to say which song it is as his knowledge about music only includes Oasis, Queen and this boyband his sisters can’t stop talking about, One Way something. It is 4:26 according to the clock above the stove in the small kitchen area and Louis is well aware he stopped working earlier than usual, but today is Friday and it is way too cold outside to work even a minute longer. He just needs to email his last temperature record to the Agency before 6 if he wants to enjoy a long weekend of rest. - he usually works 6 days a week but a huge snow storm is forecasted and Simon gave Louis his weekend off. Which also means more time with Harry which might be awkward, but well, he can’t really be bothered at this point, he just wanna sleep and binge watch the four episodes of BBC Strictly he downloaded last night. He knows that if he doesn’t watch them soon, the twins are not gonna wait any longer to spoil him about who was eliminated and the finale is coming soon and he doesn’t want to miss it. As far as he knows, his favorite duo is still in the competition and he is really rooting for them. He might ask Harry to watch it with him if he feels like it. 

Louis is untying his boots, perched on the table in the main area when the fuses trip. ‘Shit.’ he mumbles. It’s not the first time Louis has to deal with it. It happens more often than not and Louis is used to it, everything’s under control. He tries to breathe in and out slowly. ‘Fuck.’ a voice says in the dark and Louis knows Harry is still in the bathroom.

‘Harry I’m here, don’t move.’ he shouts from the living room, not wanting to scare Harry who is probably naked in the shower right now. Louis tries not to focus too much on this though and turn on the headlamp he has in his pocket. 

‘What happened?’ Louis can hear how Harry’s voice is all wobbly and can tell he is not 100% reassured. He quickly crosses the room, careful not to trip on anything on his way. 

‘It’s fine, don’t worry, the fuses tripped because of the cold and the storm outside.’ 

‘C-Can you fix it?’ 

‘I don’t know. I’m gonna come in now, I have a headlamp, is it okay?’ he asks before knocking lightly on the door. ‘Harry? You alright in there?’ Louis rasps his knuckles on the door. ‘Harry I’m gonna come in now okay?’ he says before opening the door. The warmth and the darkness of the bathroom engulf his body like a warm blanket in winter and Louis has a quick flashback to better days, when he used to sit by the fireplace, squeezing a warm cup of tea between his hands in a small flat in downtown Bristol. He squeezes his eyelids at the memory. He is here with Harry now, and giving the shaky breath he can hear in the room, he needs to solve this electricity issue as fast as he can. 

Louis is looking at the floor. ‘Take my lamp, I have plenty in the lab.’ he says while handing Harry his headlamp, still looking at his feet. 

‘Why don’t you keep it?’ the writer asks.

‘Because you’re probably naked and I’m not. It’s not fair if I’m the one with the lamp is it?’ he says nervously while he can catch a glimpse of Harry grabbing his towel from somewhere in the room. 

‘Thank you Louis.’ he whispers a few steps away from the scientist but it still feels too close for Louis who all of a sudden forgets how to breathe : Harry is standing there in front of him, a towel wrapped around his delicate hips and all Louis can see are the two huge leaves covering the lower part of his torso. Louis knew Harry had tattoos, he had seen them on his bulky arms before. He had even thought about the fact that there might be more but he did not expect this. Harry’s arms and torso are covered in tattoos. 

‘Louis you’re starring.’ the younger one says with a smirk. Louis’ mouth is dry despite the humidity in the air. 

‘Uhm, yes, sorry.’ Louis nods without catching Harry’s eyes, ashamed, before heading out the bathroom. ‘I’ll try to fix this.’ He says walking backwards and bumping into a piece of furniture on his way out muttering a ‘Jesus fucking Christ.’ at the same time. Once outside of the room, Louis leans on the closed door and deeply breathes in. ‘Jesus Christ.’ he repeats, his brain all fogged up and not only from the fog in the bathroom. Harry is smoking hot. Not that he hadn’t realised that before. He’s only human after all.

**&**

‘Does it happen often?’ Harry asks later when they are both sitting on the couch, silently chewing on the sandwiches Harry had kindly offered to make earlier while Louis was trying to fix the electricity issue. Nothing had worked unfortunately and the two men were now curled up on the couch, the writer draped in the warm comforter from his bed and Louis bundled up in his warmest hoodie. 

‘Not very often but it happens yes.’, Louis swallows, ‘’Because of the cold.’ he adds and Harry nods. 

‘I’m glad you came back earlier than usual. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had been all alone here.’ he chuckles and Louis smiles at him, silently eating his cold meal. Harry had calmed down a bit when Louis had told him that there was a generator for the fridge and the lab - Louis had to store some samples of ice and eggs. - and the writer had offered to cook a diner for the two of them. ‘Or at least try to!’ he had joked. 

‘Do you wanna play a game?’ Harry asks after a few seconds when they had both finished eating and the station was filled with an awkward silence. Louis had texted Liam and Simon when Harry was attempting to cook to let them know that they had no electricity anymore and ask them to call on the line in the lab in case of emergency. 

Louis clears his throat. 

‘Yeah sure why not.’ he tries to sound as cheerful as he can. 

‘Which game are you thinking about?’ 

‘20 questions?’ Harry asks shyly and Louis nods positively. 

‘Please start.’ Louis smiles ‘I guess you have a lot to ask.’ he jokes and Harry blushes. 

‘It’s just that, erm- We don’t really know each other. We never get to talk because we’re both busy working.’ he looks down and plays nervously with his fingers. ‘I don’t blame you! I know you’re here to work it’s just that-’, he rubs the back of his neck, ‘I mean, it’s nice to have a bit of spare time to get to know each other.’ His cheeks are bright pink and Louis laughs. 

‘Yeah it’s nice.’ he whispers before laying on the couch. Harry is sitting cross-legged at the other end. He clears his throat before asking his first question : ‘Why did you choose to be a biologist?’ 

‘Can we pass a question?’ Harry gapes at him for a second. 

‘I guess we can but are you really gonna pass my first question?’ he asks, eyes wide and Louis laughs. 

‘No, no I’m not but it’s just a question, just to, you know, just to know.’ He knows what’s coming already. What type of questions Harry’s gonna ask and he doesn’t want to answer some of them. He gets that Harry wants to get to know him. He’d love to know more about Harry too but there is some stuff he is not ready to talk about. He is not trying to play mysterious or rude but some things are not meant to be revealed to someone you barely know. Harry knows already too much. 

‘I think I was 10 or something when I really knew that’s what I wanted to do. I think I saw a documentary or something and that was it really.’ he shrugs.

‘How did you end up working for the British Space Agency? That’s huge and you’re so young!’ Louis chuckles, uncomfortable to be put on the spot like this. 

‘I think it’s my turn for questions’ he says while sticking his tongue at Harry which makes the younger one laugh.

‘Go ahead then.’ he says with a hand movement. 

‘I actually don’t know what to ask, I’m rubbish at these games so I’ll just ask if you have siblings?’ 

‘Yeah I do’ he smiles warmly and Louis' heart stops for a second. Harry tends to have this effect on him lately. ‘I have one sister, Gemma, she is older than me. We’re really close.’ Louis smiles at him. 

‘You must miss her.’ He knows what it is, missing your loved ones. He truly wishes he had more time to see his siblings. He knows money won’t buy his presence but that’s all he can give them for now. This and cringey magnets from all around the world. 

‘I do yes. I really admire you for doing this kind of job. I mean, you must be away more often than not.’ Harry says, poking him with his sock-covered toes. Louis shrugs. 

‘They’re used to it. My family. My siblings.’ he smiles down at his hands on his lap. 

‘How many tattoos do you have ?’ Harry asks, still sitting by his side, pointing at the _28_ tattoo on his fingers. Louis breathes in relief. He knows Harry changed the topic because Louis doesn't like talking about his family. Not that he doesn't like them far from that, it's just hard sometimes. He can feel the tension in the room dropping and the air circulating again in his lungs. 

‘I don’t have a lot actually. I have this one’ he points at the _28_ tattoo on his fingers. ‘I also have few stupid ones on me arm.’ he lifts his sleeve up to his elbow. ‘I have two on the chest and a screw on my ankle.’ 

‘A screw?’ Harry laughs. Louis grabs his right ankle and lower his sock. Harry traces the faded tattoo with his thumb. Louis shudders at the touch.

‘Me and Liam, we got them when we turned 18. It was just a way to, I don’t know. Say that we were best mates I guess.’ he shrugs, staring at his ankle. ‘You do have a couple of them as well don’t you?’ 

Harry snorts. _A couple_ , he mouths ‘They’re mostly stupid and meaningless though.’ he laughs, running his hand in his hair. Louis wants to massage his skull in the shower and rub that spot at the back of his neck. He wants to kiss away Harry’s headaches and massage his writer’s hands under the water. And- Jesus. 

‘What’s your most meaningful one then?’ Harry wiggles his bum on the couch and Louis squeezes at the back of the couch. They are now both sitting next to each other, their long limbs laying on the sofa. Louis forgets how to breathe when Harry’s left arm brushes against his. 

‘I have all of my family’s initials tattooed which are pretty meaningful but I think my favorite is the silver spoon tattoo I have at the back of my arm. For success and all that.’ he shrugs. Louis smiles at him. ‘It really is meaningful.’ and the writer laughs.

‘Well I don’t know if it is but I like it yes. What about you? What’s your most meaningful one.’ Louis is caught off guard. He wishes the conversation had drifted away from him and his tattoos. Harry is staring at him and Louis smiles weakly. ‘It’s alright if you don’t wanna talk about it.’ he says. 

‘The screw with Liam is pretty meaningful but there’s- I have one on my ribcage that says….’ Louis inhales deeply. Harry seems concerned but doesn’t say anything. ‘That says _When you know you know, you know?_ in my mum’s handwriting. Got it when I turned 18. It was my first one actually.’ Louis smiles sadly and pinches the thin skin of his right wrist while Harry grabs his hand in his.

‘Can I ask you something?’ Louis snorts.

‘Isn’t that the whole point of the game?’ he jokes and Harry blushes a bit. 

‘You never talk about your parents.’ Louis chokes on air. He could skip the question. He is allowed to do so after all, it’s in their rules. But he doesn’t want to. 

‘It’s complicated.’ Louis sighs, clenching his jaw nervously 

‘You don't have to tell me.’ He says softly. A beat passes before Louis exhales loudly, running a hand through his hair. 

‘My biological father left when I was really young. I never knew him really, my mum raised me on her own until my dad, Mark, who’s not really my dad but he’s been here for me my whole life. He’s always treated me like his son and I have his name so yeah-’ Louis’ voice is shaky but he doesn’t stop because Harry doesn’t interrupt him. ‘Together they had a whole bunch of annoying girls: Charlotte, Fiz and the twins, Daisy and Phoebe.’ he enumerates on his fingers. ‘Then they got divorced-’ he grimaces, ‘It was pretty hard but then my mum met Dan and they had another set of twins Doris and Ernie.’ He smiles at Harry who’s looking at him with wide eyes. ‘I know it’s a lot of kids.’ he chuckles before resuming in a breath. ‘Then we lost my mum.” Harry gapes at him. “Then Fiz.” 

“You-I- Lou I had no idea I’m sorry.” Louis looks up and smiles at Harry. 

“It’s fine Harry. If I didn’t want you to know I wouldn’t have told you. It’s just sometimes, it still hurts to talk or even think about it.” His hand still in Harry’s Louis lets his thoughts wander for a bit. 

‘Sorry. I was somewhere else for a sec.’ Louis shakes his head. Harry is smiling shyly at him, his lips between his teeth. ‘Have you always wanted to be a writer?’ Louis asks, hoping to change the subject from his poor and miserable life. Harry smiles at him and Louis knows he sees right through his little game, though he doesn’t say anything. The writer squeezes his hand one more time and clears his throat. He keeps his big hand around Louis’ and even though it doesn’t mean anything, Louis can’t help the light blush that spreads from the back of his neck to his cheeks. 

‘I've always liked writing. I mean, I think I've always written, at least as far as I can remember. I wanted to be a songwriter at first.’ He chuckles, shaking his head like he himself can’t believe it. ‘I don't play any instruments so well, I quickly gave up.’ Louis laughs at him and nods, encouraging him to continue. 

‘I think I was 15 when I started properly writing, with the idea of writing a whole story I mean.’ He clears his throat once more and Louis moves to replace himself on the couch. He is now laying on his back, eyes closed. The right side of his body touches Harry’s left side. Even though Harry had let go of his hand when Louis had laid down, Louis leaves his hand on Harry’s knee and squeezes it. ‘Tell me your story Harold.’ The writer chuckles. ‘Needy much.’ he says and Louis hums. 

‘My parents have always encouraged me to write. They knew I loved it. When most of my friends wanted to be footballers or doctors, I was spending hours at the library taking notes about what I liked in a story. I was different in a good kind of way my mum says. My parents divorced when I was 15 and even though I went through a rough half year, writing helped me a lot. It’s stupid but escaping from reality for several hours a day was what I needed I guess?’ 

‘It’s not stupid.’ Louis’ voice startles him. 

‘Anyways. I was 19 when I published my first novel. I had just started uni and-’

‘Let me guess, English literature major?’ Harry burst out laughing. 

‘What else?’ he asks between two laughters and Louis groans. 

‘Such a cliché. Keep going please.’ Louis orders and Harry tickles him just above the hips which causes him to squeal. ‘Harold!’ he says, fighting a smile, his eyes now wide open trying to scare the writer. Harry raises his hands apologetically. As if it was completely natural, Harry grabs Louis' hand he had let go of and starts playing with his fingers. Louis closes his eyes, his cheeks burning. 

‘As I was saying, I had just started uni and really wanted to join the uni newspaper. My roommate at the time was part of it and when he learned I was writing he dragged me to a meeting. It was nothing much at first, poems and short stories. The professor who was supervising us was one of my teachers and I trusted him so I just asked him to read one of my manuscripts. It was not even half of what came out a year and a half after but he loved it so much he asked me if he could send it to one of his friends who was working for my current publishing house. I signed the publishing contract the day of my 20th birthday.’ 

‘What did you buy with your first check?’ Harry laughs. 

‘Look at you gold digger.’ Louis gapes at him.

‘I- It’s not what I meant.’ His cheeks are red with embarrassment and his hands sweaty.

‘I’m kidding Lou.’ _This nickname again_. Harry ruffles his hair and Louis groans. 

‘I didn’t buy anything special, it was not a big check. With my first big one though I paid my tuition fees.’ Louis grimaces. He finished paying his tuition fees a couple of years ago and is currently paying his sister’s. He is lucky he can afford it, he knows how hard it is for some family like his. Even though he is in a good position now, it was a whole different situation when he started university. 

  
  


**& **

  
  


Harry is startled from a half asleep haze by Louis loudly gasping on his right. Harry had suggested earlier a sleepover in the living-room because why not and Louis had - much to Harry’s surprise - agreed. They were now both laying on the floor, wrapped in their own comforter trying to fall asleep, lulled by the wind outside. ‘Louis you okay?’ he asks sleepily. The scientist by his side is gasping for air a bit louder and Harry gropes around in the dark to find one of the lamps. Once he’s grabbed the torch Harry sits on the floor next to Louis. ‘Louis it’s okay. It’s okay I’m here.’ he rushes and Louis jumps at Harry’s hands in his hair. His forehead is covered by a thin layer of sweat and his cheeks are tear-stained. Harry doesn’t stop stroking Louis’ hair even when he is fully awake, eyes wide open. ‘What happened?’ Harry asks after a bit. 

‘Nightmares.’ Louis sighs. ‘Sorry I woke you up.’ he grimaces.

‘It’s fine Louis don’t worry okay? Stop worrying for everyone all the time, we can take care of you too.’ Harry says matter of factly and it hits really close to home. 

‘I’m glad you got sent here.’ he whispers in the dark and even though Louis knows they are now both laying on their respective mattresses, it feels like Harry is close. So close. And Louis is scared, because he can feel like something is changing in him, something is changing between them, and it scares him. Because he doesn’t feel ready to open his heart to someone again. Louis knows is overthinking this. It’s just a crush. A crush on the first person he has talked to in the last 6 months or so. It doesn’t mean anything. He is just touch deprived. 

**& **

When Louis wakes up the next morning, he is greeted by Harry’s soft asleep features. What a sight to wake up to, he can’t help but think. Louis definitely has a crush on the writer, he can’t deny it anymore and it scares him for millions of reasons. The first one being he hasn’t been single long enough to be 100% sure about his feelings. Going from a relationship to another doesn’t scare him, he just doesn’t want to use Harry as a band aid. Harry is lovely though. He is kind and funny, smart and really (really) pretty. Louis finds Luke sexy and he can admit - when he can barely stand on his legs because of alcohol, that Liam is attractive for a straight man. There is something about Harry that makes him prettier than the average. Louis likes Harry and he wouldn’t mind loving him as well. 

Louis stills when Harry hums in his sleep. ‘Mornin’’ he says, his eyelids barely open and his voice rough from sleep. ‘How’d you feel?’

‘Way too chatty for an early morning Harold.’ the older one groans from under the covers. 

‘It’s a good day to have a good day Lou.’ the writer exclaims, jumping on his feet. 

‘Of course you are those who get out of bed straight after waking up.’ Harry stretches letting out a yawn. 

‘C’mon Tomlinson, we have so much to do today starting with-’ The writer grabs the end of the mattress before sliding it - and Louis as well. - to the bedroom. ‘-putting everything back in place.’ Louis squeals, still wrapped in his duvet on the mattress Harry is currently sliding across the room. 

**&**

Harry’s round trips from the living room to the bedroom start that very same evening. Louis is soundly asleep in his room when Harry bursts in the middle of the night, begging him to let him sleep in the bedroom with him, too scared of the storm outside. Louis doesn’t try to argue, too deep in a sleepy haze to kick the writer out of the room. The next day, when Louis had woken up he had slid Harry to the living room. Harry had knocked on the door later that day, begging him once more to let him sleep in the room where he was feeling safer. (‘The door’s open nothing’s gonna happen to you.’ ‘Just once I swear.’ ‘Harry you’re a child.’ ‘Sleep in the living room then, it’s scary.’ ‘Fine. Just for tonight.’) 

It had started with Harry going back and forth between the main area and the bedroom then. Every morning, Harry would drag his mattress back to the living room until the evening, when after a whole day of whining and pouting, Louis would allow him one more night in the bedroom. (‘Tonight’s the last night Harry.’) It went this way for almost 10 days, Louis tripping over Harry’s bed in the corner every morning until he was so used to it he remembered it was here even in the middle of the night when he had to go to the bathroom. Louis gives up one Tuesday evening in the middle of July. 

‘Harry?’ Louis sleepily asks from his bed. He’s been asleep for almost 30 minutes, exhausted after a long day arguing on the phone with the lab at home about some data that were supposedly wrong. (Louis knows they’re not, they just messed them up.) 

‘Yeah’ the other whispers while trying to slide his mattress from the bedroom to the main area. 

‘Don't bother going back to the living room tomorrow, it's fine if you stay.’ Louis says. If Harry was a cat, one would say he had purred but Harry is not a cat - a kitten more like. The writer drops the mattress at the end of Louis' bed, too tired to put it back on the bed base. That evening, Louis’ soft snores lull Harry to sleep and he wouldn’t be anywhere else but here.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re slowly getting there! A bit of smut and scientific knowledge in this chapter. I am also mentioning the British station Halley at the end of the chapter : Halley is the British research station in Antarctica. If you wanna know more about it, you can find several videos online about it. It’s quite interesting really, to see how it’s designed and how scientists live. 
> 
> Hope you’ll like it. Thanks for still reading this.

_chapter four : July ; week 3 and 4_

‘Harry honey I’m home!’ Louis jokes while taking off his boots and slamming the door behind him like he usually does. The weather outside is gorgeous, which is a weird thing to say when it’s been pitch dark for the past 4 months or so but it’s rather warm and lightly snowing it gives Louis Christmas nostalgia. ‘H, do you wanna go for a walk?’ he asks, barging in the bedroom. More than once he’s had woken up the writer from a nap : despite being here for almost 2 months, Harry still struggles to get used to the complete darkness and Louis has found him more than once asleep in the middle of the afternoon or having breakfast at 2 a.m. Not that Louis is against the idea of breakfast for dinner but Harry genuinely thought it was morning. Louis had teased him for a week. 

The bedroom’s door is slightly open so Harry is certainly not sleeping but probably reading or watching a movie in bed. (Unlike Louis, he doesn’t work in bed because ‘your working space and your sleeping space need to be different or it’s confusing for your brain.’ Louis is aware of that but he still thinks it’s bullshit.) Louis has faced awkward situations before. He’s had his fair share of uncomfortable moments but walking in on one of his friends wanking hadn’t made it to the list yet. At least until today. 

‘Louis!’ Harry gasps when Louis’ petite figure is standing in the doorway. The writer’s hair is sticking to his forehead, a thin layer of sweat covering his face and neck. His lower body is hidden under the sheets but Louis can make out the outline of his body. His lips are slightly parted and one of his hands is wrapped around his cock under the duvet. If he hasn’t come in his pants yet, Louis is at least very aware of how hard he is right now. He quickly slams the door and loudly exhales. Harry groans on the other side of the door while the scientist is in the middle of a nervous fit of giggles. He has to calm down when his head is dizzy from the lack of air in his lungs. 

**&**

Harry comes out of the bedroom 45 minutes later while Louis is sitting on the sofa watching a movie. His face is red with shame and the redness spreads to his neck when Louis pauses his movie to burst into another fit of laughter. Harry flips him off. ‘You were not supposed to be home before 5.’ the writer mumbles while Louis tries to catch his breath. A whole family of butterflies takes off in his stomach when Harry refers to the small shelter as ‘home’. 

‘I’m sorry Harold.’ he says between two giggles. 

‘Can we not talk about it please? It’s embarrassing enough like this.’ The writer slumps on the couch next to Louis, hiding his face in the couch’s cushions. 

‘It’s fine H. I’m teasing. We’re only human.’ Louis pats Harry’s head and the younger one groans. 

‘I feel gross and teenage-y.’ Louis snorts. 

‘If teenage-y means horny and touch deprived then we’ve all been there. I won’t make it awkward I promise.’ Harry whines. 

‘How do you do it?’ Louis frowns, his hand still running in the writer’s hair. ‘How do you survive these never ending missions without being touched?’ Louis shrugs. He hasn’t been really horny for a while if he is being honest. Between the break up and the loneliness, he didn’t really have time to think about self pleasure. He might have wanked once or twice to relax or to help him fall asleep but he hasn’t been horny in a while. 

**&**

After half an hour reassuring Harry and pinky promising him he’ll never talk about this awkward moment ever again, the writer finally decides to stop whining and looks at Louis. His cheeks are still red but at least, a huge grin is splitting his face in two after Louis decided to tell him his awkward first time story. ‘I can’t believe your sister walked in on you guys.’ 

‘Yeah me neither. It was really weird. Now go take a shower you stink.’ Harry squeals when Louis tickles his hips with his cold hands. 

**&**

Harry has just closed the bathroom's door, humming Landslide by Fleetwood Mac, when Louis finally allows the memories of Harry’s naked body under the sheets to hit him. He’s seen Harry playing with himself. Playing with his nipples. Almost coming on his pretty stomach. Louis' thoughts quickly wander to Harry’s butterfly tattoo covered in cum. He imagines the taste on his tongue, the thickness of it. He pictures his hands on Harry’s torso, kissing his fern tattoo, his hips, sucking on his thighs. Louis moans and jerks back. His hands are itching to touch his own cock in his sweatpants. He could come untouched just thinking about Harry’s hands on him. He thinks about Harry’s red lips when he gives in and grabs his swollen cock. He has to be quick, Harry might come back soon. He is so close right now and so wrapped up in his own bubble, he doesn’t hear Harry stepping outside of the bathroom. Louis comes in his pants in a small whine he tries to muffle in his hand as best as he can. When he raises his head, Harry is smirking, leaning on the bathroom door. ‘Well I guess we’re even now.’ Louis hasn’t felt this embarrassed in a while. 

**&**

‘H.’ Harry hums from the couch where he is all bundled up in his hoodie, typing feverishly on his laptop. Strangely, nothing has changed between them after last week’s events and Louis is grateful they didn’t bring up the topic again. ‘How do you feel about a field trip?’ The scientist is working at the kitchen table, desperately trying to fix the thermometer. It’s the only one he has here and the device has been playing with him for days. He is too lazy to drive in the dark to go all the way to Halley. 

‘A field trip?’ Louis is turning his back at Harry but he can hear he’s stopped typing. He puts his device down and turns around. Harry is looking at him, frowning. ‘A scuba diving trip.’ Harry snorts. 

‘I thought you were serious for a sec.’ Louis frowns.

‘I am.’ Harry gapes at him. ‘I have to go measure some data from a tiny shelter we have 30 minutes away from here. I thought it’d be fun to go camping.’ Louis shrugs as if he had just asked Harry to come with him to the supermarket. 

‘Louis, do you realise regular human beings don’t go on scuba diving trips in the arctic ocean right?’ 

‘Not the ocean H.’ 

‘Huh?’ 

‘Not in the ocean. The ocean’s too far. It’s under the ice.’ Louis states, back to his electricity puzzle. Harry laughs nervously, crossing his arms on his chest. 

‘I’m not going.’ Louis drops his tools on the table in a loud clicking. 

‘C’mon Harold, it’ll be fun!’ 

‘Louis do you realise you’re asking me to go in freezing cold water under the ice?’ Louis sighs. 

‘It’s safe. I’ve done it several times. And you don’t even have to go if you don’t want to. You can stay here, the round trip will only take a couple of hours, I just thought it’d be more fun. It’s a once in a lifetime experience.’ Louis pouts, looking at Harry with puppy eyes. He fist pumps the air in victory when Harry sighs. 

**&**

‘Alright you ready?’ Harry gives him a thumb up and grins despite the regulator in his mouth. Louis should probably worry about Harry diving under the ice for the first time but Harry told him he had dived a couple of times when he went backpacking in Asia last summer. The scientist sits on the edge of the hole dug in the ice. It’s around a meter wide, just enough to go through it with all the diving equipment. He switches on his waterproof headlamp before shooting a last smile to Harry. And just like that he is gone. 

Harry knows he has 10 second to follow him before Louis starts his descent down the rope. All he has to do is to jump in the water and hold tight to the rope. _Hold on to the rope, hold on to the rope_ he tells himself. The cold water is soaking through his wetsuit and he needs to remind his brain to breathe. _Louis knows what he is doing, it’s fine, you’re safe_. When he opens his eyes, Louis is facing him, 2 piercing blue eyes in the water. He holds his breath for a second. Everything is immensely quiet. The light is barely filtering through the ice giving the water a light green colour. Harry is breath taken. Louis signals him it’s time to start their descent and Harry nods, holding the rope tightly. 

**&**

‘That was so fucking sick.’ Harry exclaims while they are both sitting in the small tent, wrapped in their thick sleeping bags. Louis chuckles. ‘Thanks for offering this trip.’ the writer adds, his voice barely audible. The wind is a bit stronger than earlier only because the afternoon is coming to an end. Without a warning, Harry wraps his arms around Louis' smaller figure. Even though the position is a bit uncomfortable as they are both sitting crossed legs on their inflatable mattresses, Louis can’t help but hug Harry back. _Only because you haven’t hugged anyone for a while_ , his brain says and he internally agrees. There’s no other reason. And it’s only because he misses human touch that they stay in each other's arms for a good 10 minutes before Harry starts snoring on Louis' shoulder. The scientist giggles lightly in Harry’s hair before laying them both on his mattress. It’s just a nap, Louis thinks. _Just a friendly nap. Just. A. Nap._

**&**

When Louis wakes up almost 45 minutes later, Harry is sitting on his own mattress, feverishly scribbling in his notebook. Louis notices that he didn’t take his usual blue notebook but a brown leather one. Harry is humming a song Louis doesn’t know and he takes a minute to appreciate the sight : his curls are getting longer, his skin whiter and his high cheekbones are glowing under the feeble light of the torch. Harry smiles at Louis. ‘Hi.’ he whispers softly. Louis waves at him and the writer giggles. 

‘What are you writing?’ Louis yawns. ‘It’s not your regular notebook.’ he notices out loud, his voice still rough by the sleep. The scientist thinks he can see his cheeks reddening. Harry rubs his neck nervously. ‘I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. You don’t have to tell me.’ Louis stretches his arms above his head before snuggling deeper in his sleeping bag. There is no way he is leaving his warm cocoon right now. 

‘It’s another notebook.’ The young writer looks like a rabbit caught in the headlights : his eyes are wide with fear and he is nervously chewing on his lip. ‘I’m writing poetry.’ he says barely louder than a breath. The redness of his cheeks has spread to his neck and he is not looking at Louis anymore but at his fingers, nervously intertwined, on his lap. 

‘I didn’t know you wrote poetry as well.’ Louis says instead of bombarding him with questions. Harry chuckles nervously. 

‘I don’t.’ 

‘Well you obviously do Harold.’ Louis eyes at the notebook on his lap.

‘I mean I do but I don’t share it. It’s my thing? I don’t know.’ he sighs. 

‘I think it’s nice.’ The writer’s face lights up. ‘I mean you’re obviously a talented novelist, I don’t see why poetry wouldn’t work for you.’ Harry chuckles, obviously uncomfortable. 

‘I hadn’t really written in a while if I’m honest. I had given up a bit and with the novel and stuff I didn’t have time to really focus on it.’ he sighs. ‘It’s really inspiring here. The quiet and the feeling of being the only two souls left in the world.’ Louis is staring at him when Harry looks up. He looks so vulnerable and young in the dim light of the torch. Louis' breath is caught in his throat. How can he put into words a feverish kiss? Because that’s all he can think about right now. Harry’s eyes are closed and his plump lips slightly parted. He is gorgeous. Louis wants to tell him, wants to give him the world, the stars and the whole galaxy. ‘I keep thinking back to a time under the canyon moon-’ he recites, whispering. His eyes are still closed and Louis can see his hands shaking. Louis' heart is pounding in his chest like he is the one wearing it on his sleeve. Harry doesn’t open his eyes. ‘The world is happy waiting. Door’s yellow, broken blue. I keep thinking back to a time under the canyon moon. Two weeks and I’ll be home. I’ll be gone too long from you. Sky never looked so blue. So hard to leave it, that’s what I always do, so I keep thinking back to a time under the canyon moon.’ Harry was right when he said it seemed like they were the only souls in the world, Louis can feel it in his bones. 

‘Harry.’ he whispers barely louder than the wind outside. The writer finally dares to open his eyes and Louis can see the tears in them. His own vision is blurry as well. He stumbles out of his sleeping bag to wrap his arms around Harry’s upper body. 

‘Don’t leave me.’ the writer asks in a sob in Louis' neck. Louis fights the desire to devour his lips. He kisses his head and his wet cheeks instead. 

‘I’m here, I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me to.’ The scientist hopes Harry gets the unspoken meaning of his words. 

**&**

‘What are you listening to?’ The two men are wrapped in their sleeping bags, Louis reading in the feeble light of his headlamp while Harry is writing and writing endlessly. The scientist can hear him scribbling down and turning pages after pages. He can see he is lost in his own world and thoughts, caught in his bubble of music and poetry. 

‘Coldplay. You wanna listen?’ the younger asks, handing him one of the earphones plugged to his phone. Louis moves closer to the edge of his bed : the tent is small, their mattresses are almost touching each other, just like a big double bed, with just a small two feet gap between them. Harry drops his phone in the middle and Louis puts the earphone in his ear, closing his eyes to the melody. 

‘Which song is it?’ 

‘The scientist’ Louis chuckles. 

‘Do you have something for scientists?’ he teases, wiggling his eyebrows. Harry bites his lips and Louis is pretty sure he blushes too.

‘Maybe.’ 

‘Do you?’ Louis breathes in. ‘I used to yeah.’ He smiles at the ceiling, laying on his back. The tent is low above their head, they barely have enough space to sit and Louis should have felt trapped. But not here. Not with Harry next to him. Lovely Harry. 

‘Yes?’ Louis has never turned his head so fast. ‘It’s alright.’ Harry murmurs softly. ‘I think you’re quite lovely too.’ Louis can feel he’s blushing, his voice caught in his throat. 

‘His name is Luke.’ His name is bitter in Louis’ mouth. ‘He was my scientist. That’s what the second bed was for. It was one bed at first but I pushed it away. The-the bed. Not Luke. I-I didn’t push Luke away.’ Louis sighs. ‘I’m sorry I don’t make much sense.’ He chuckles lightly, his throat tight. Harry, who is laying on his back, turns to his side to face Louis. 

‘I thought he was the one you know?’ Louis whispers, feeling the lump in his throat getting bigger. 

‘Oh Louis.’ the writer gasps. 

‘It’s fine. I’m over it now.’ Harry nods before reaching for Louis’ hand. Louis smiles lightly. ‘He has someone now? That’s what hurts the most I think. Knowing that he got over me so fast. He is in Patagonia. With Liam. I think he had someone before we even broke up. It’s a girl though. I guess my ego can handle that.’ Harry chuckles. 

‘What happened?’ whispers Harry.

‘I don’t know. He kicked me out and I didn’t officially live there. Now that I think about it, it probably made it easier for him to cheat.’ he snaps his fingers, trying to joke. A beat passes. 

‘I’m sorry Louis.’ Louis feels a bit lighter talking about it. Liam, as usual, was right. (Don’t tell him.) Louis realises he just didn’t want to talk about it with him. Or with his sister. Or with anyone really. There is just something about Harry. Something that Louis can’t precisely pinpoint, that makes him so trust-worthy. Something about his big green eyes maybe. His curly hair. The warmth of his hands around Louis’ tiny fingers. The sincerity of his smiles. His honey-like voice. 

‘It’s fine really.’ Louis smiles at Harry, squeezing the writer’s fingers in his hand. 

‘It’s okay if it’s not though.’ 

‘You sound like Liam.’ he huffs ‘Liam’s annoying.’ 

‘Because he cares about you?’ 

‘Yeah.’ They fall into silence. 

‘Are we gonna die eaten by a polar bear?’ Louis burst out laughing. 

‘There’s no polar bear in Antarctica Harry.’ 

‘I don’t believe you.’ 

‘You should though.’ Harry opens his sleeping bag to sit, his arms crossed on his chest. 

‘There are thousands of documentaries about polar bears.’ 

‘Not in Antarctica.’ Louis states a little amused once he has calmed down. 

‘How would you know?’ Harry frowns.

‘I’m literally a zoologist?’ he laughs loudly. 

‘Well. Yeah. I might be wrong on this one.’ 

‘That you are Harold.’ The scientist winks at him and Harry lays back on his thin inflatable mattress with a sigh. 

‘So no death for us tonight?’ 

‘Nope. You’re quite safe don’t worry. I’ve done this a couple of times already.’ 

‘On our own?’ he asks and his eyes are wide with fear. 

‘Only once. It was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. I barely slept. Liam was at Halley, telling me he could join me but I was too proud to ask for help. As soon as the sun rose, I took everything and drove away.’ Harry is laughing, his cheeks wet of tears. 

‘Don’t laugh.’ Louis glares comically at him. ‘I could go and leave you on your own here.’

‘You wouldn’t do that.’ Harry says flicking him on the hand.

‘I would.’ 

'I'd cry.' Louis gapes and Harry stares at him, his eyes glistening with mischief. 

'You filthy liar.' Harry shrugs before laying back on the mattress and curling up in his sleeping bag. 

‘Can you replay this song? I like it.’ Louis whispers and Harry starts the song again. When Louis opens his eyes at the end of the song, Harry is snoring lightly, his face less than a meter away from Louis’. The scientist silently grabs the earphone in Harry’s ear and puts the phone between the two of them. Before closing his eyes to sleep, he adds the song to his personal playlist which has been the same for the past 10 years. _A sky full of stars_. How accurate. He stares at Harry for a second. He is quietly snoring in his hand, his hood on his head, features completely relaxed. 

‘You’re such a heavenly view.’ he whispers to the sleepy boy before turning off the light.


	5. Chapter 5

_chapter five : August_

‘Everything’s alright pal?’ They’ve both been asleep for a few hours when the scientist is awakened by Harry coughing. Poor boy sounds like a dying whale. (Louis has seen a dying whale.) The writer painfully whines. 

‘Louis.’ he croaks. Louis doesn’t know if his voice is hoarse from sleep or because of his sore throat. (Louis thinks the latter given the cough.) He stumbles out of bed in the dark, padding sleepily to Harry’s bed in the other corner of the room. Under the dim light of his phone, Louis notices the sweat running down his face. Harry whines when Louis finally sits at the edge of his bed. 

‘H, jesus, you’re burning hot.’ 

‘I’m cold Lou.’ he sobs ‘’ back hurts ‘s all sore.’ he coughs. 

‘You have a cold darling, you’re gonna be okay.’ Louis whispers petting his damped hair. ‘I’m gonna make you some tea and you’re gonna shower.’ Harry whines. 

‘Stay.’ he begs. His bed sheets are heavy with sweat and his shirt is clinging to his chest. The scientist tries to get him out of bed but given his semi-unconscious state, the writer is like a dead weight : if Louis wasn’t that desperately gone for him, he would just give up and let him sleep. Though, he cares about Harry more than he would admit and seeing him shivering in his own sweat breaks his heart. 

‘C’mon H, let’s get you in the shower.’ The writer doesn’t answer, struggling to stay sit. ‘’ead’s heavy.’ he whines. 

‘Alright forget the shower.’ Louis mumbles. Harry is barely conscious, not even trying to keep his eyes open. ‘Harold listen-’ Louis pats him lightly on the cheeks to wake him up. ‘I’m gonna go get a wet cloth and I’m gonna wash you a bit and then we’re gonna sleep in my bed because it’s 4 a.m and your bed sheets are wet and I don’t have the strength to deal with that right now.’ Louis nervously rambles. ‘Alright I’ll be back.’ Harry blinks and his lips curls up a little. Louis takes it as a yes. 

When Louis comes back a few seconds later, Harry is white as a sheet. His teeth are chattering on top of his whines and cough. ‘Harold you know what-’ the scientist stars. He doesn’t know if talking to Harry will prevent him from passing out, but it helps him to deal with the stress. ‘- I might be almost 30, I’m not ready for a baby. Fuck. My stress level is high as fuck right now.’ The writer chuckles and Louis smiles. ‘Glad to see you're not dead.’ he teases with a smirk. 

‘’ot yet.’ Harry croaks. Louis wipes Harry’s neck with the wet cloth. The writer moans at the coldness of the material on his hot body. Louis’ stomach backflips in his belly. 

‘Shh don’t talk darling.’ the scientist shushes him softly. ‘Everything’s fine, I’m just trying to bring down the fever.’ The writer sobs. ‘I’ve got you H it’s fine.’ His hands grip the hem of Harry’s shirt before tugging it above his head. His perfectly sizzled chest is covered in a thin layer of sweat and if he wasn’t that worried about Harry’s state, Louis would be a bit turned on. He grabs the wet cloth and starts washing the younger man as best as he can. ‘You’ll be okay H it’s just a bad cold.’ Louis whispers in his ear while passing on a new shirt he blindly grabbed in one of Harry’s bags. The scientist keeps rocking him back and forth, Harry weakly sobbing in his neck. His whole body is still hot and sweaty, the fever definitely not going down. When Harry calms down, Louis manages to make him stand up and painfully carries him to bed, Harry’s gangly body heavily leaning on Louis’ petite figure. 

30 minutes later, Harry is soundly asleep, clinging to Louis like a baby koala bear. Louis allows himself to coo at him. (Harry is too out of it to pay attention anyway.) 

**& **

The writer is the first one to open his eyes later that same morning. His head is pounding, every single one of his limbs is heavy and- and his legs are intertwined in Louis’ ? The scientist is still asleep in his neck, soft snores tickling under his ear. Louis hums, nuzzling his nose in Harry’s neck. Harry wouldn’t mind waking up with Louis in his arms every day. Harry is deep in thoughts when Louis’ lashes flutter, exposing his bright sleepy eyes, taking the writer’s breath away. ‘Hi.’ Louis murmurs. Harry laces their fingers and Louis' heart speeds up in his chest. ‘How are you feeling?’ The writer shrugs, the events of last night coming back to him bits by bits. His brain is still hazy from sleep and given the fever, he is pretty sure he doesn’t remember half of what really happened. He remembers the hot and cold feeling though, the weird dreams as well and Louis’ reassuring voice in the night. 

‘I’m okay. Feels like a truck ran me over.’ Louis chuckles, stretching. They are now laying on their back next to each other, Harry tracing random patterns on Louis’ arm. 

‘You seem better than last night.’ Harry blushes. ‘I hope you don’t mind I took off your shirt and let you sleep here.’ He rushes. The writer smiles at him, trying to sit cross legged in the tiny bed without pushing Louis over the edge. He takes Louis’ hand in his. 

‘Thank you for taking care of me Louis. Really.’ he says as earnestly as possible. Louis loves him so much. They are staring at each other, Louis still laying on his back, his hand on Harry’s lap. 

‘You’re very much welcome H.’ Louis whispers, staring at him in the eyes. The atmosphere is heavy in the room and Harry’s touch on Louis’s arm is electric. Louis realises he wouldn’t mind waking up like this every day. The scientist wants to rush to kiss him. He isn’t sure it’s a good idea though, so he runs his fingers alongside his jawline instead. Harry doesn’t lower his gaze but come closer, so close, Louis can feel his breath on his lips. Harry blinks. 

‘I should go shower.’ he whispers while Louis swallows the lump in his throat. 

When the writer escapes the room and Louis hears the shower, he whines in his pillow. 

**& **

Harry has been sick and in bed for 2 days under Louis supervision when he asks him to come and cuddle in bed with him. The scientist is laying in bed, his laptop resting on his lap, frowning at the screen when Harry decides that he is tired of pretending to read when all he does, in reality, is stare at Louis who looks lovely and soft in his green Adidas hoodie. ‘Lou.’ Louis hums without looking at him. ‘Lou.’ Harry throws a pillow at him when the scientist hums once more. He fights a giggle when Louis glares at him. (He doesn’t feel so bad though because he can see Louis biting his lips, fighting a grin.) ‘Do you wanna watch a movie?’ he pouts with his big puppy eyes. He already knows Louis is gonna say yes. The older man sighs. 

‘H….’ whines, ‘I don’t wanna move to the couch.’ 

‘We could put the beds together?’ Harry offers, sounding a bit too excited like he has been thinking about it for days. (He has.) Louis’ cheeks slightly colour when he positively nods. Harry clasps his hands before stumbling out of bed to push the bed frame next to Louis. 

**&**

‘Louis, Louis, Louis come hurry come!’ Harry shouts, out of breath when he erupts in Louis’ lab on a late afternoon. Louis hums. ‘Louis outside, it- there’s- you have to see it.’ 

‘Auroras?’ he asks, unbothered, caught in his paperwork. ‘I’ve seen them a thousand times H.’

‘How can you not be amazed by the beauty and the power of nature?’ he says pouting and Louis finally dares to look at him. He looks cute, with his hair hidden under his beanie and all bundled up in his too big of a parka. Louis wants to kiss his pouty lips. 

‘Please?’ he looks at him with wide eyes. Of course Louis says yes. How can he say no when Harry looks this cute and excited. 

‘Fine.’ he sighs. Harry squeals like an excited child and Louis tries his best to fight a smile that would split his face in two. (He miserably fails.) 

**&**

‘I think if someone were to kiss me right now, it’d be the most perfect kiss in the universe.’ Louis nervously chuckles. The writer is looking at the night sky, the auroras stopped a couple of minutes ago, leaving them in the dark under the starlit sky. It’s warmer than the last couple of days even though the thermometer still read -26 celsius in the lab. 

‘Would you want someone to kiss you right now?’ They are now staring at each other. Harry’s arms wrapped around his knees. The tarp under them creaks a little when they slightly move. Harry looks so vulnerable like this, lost in his winter jacket. 

‘I think I’d like to, yeah.’ Louis smirks. Harry’s eyes are glistening in the night. Louis eyes wander on the writer’s face. 

‘You think or you’re sure?’ Harry smiles softly. 

‘I’m sure.’ he whispers so close to Louis that he can feel his breath on the tip of his nose. They’ve been here before. Facing each other like this. Looking like they want to devour each other’s lips. _It’s now or never_ , Louis thinks. 

‘Would you mind if I was the one kissing you?’ Louis whispers, looking at him with pleading eyes. Harry wimpers. 

‘Please.’ Louis surges forward, crashing his lips on Harry. _Finally_. The younger man probably thinks the same as he moans against Louis’ mouth. It is not a soft or delicate kiss. Their tongues are dancing, tasting each other’s lips. Harry moves closer, Louis holding his face between his glove-covered hands. Harry is the first to break the kiss, out of breath. Louis feels dizzy and euphoric. He feels like he could conquer the world right now, with Harry finally in his arms. The writer links their hands, resting his head on Louis’ shoulder. He is back to looking at the sky, shivering lightly against Louis. ‘Best kiss of the universe.’ he whispers to himself. Louis can’t help but touch his own balmed lips with the tip of his fingers to make sure it happened. He kissed Harry. For real. Finally. He sighs with pleasure and the younger man chuckles. Louis kisses him again. It’s softer this time, less rushed. ‘I’ve been waiting for this.’ he murmurs against Louis’ lips. 

‘So have I.’ Harry giggles, hiding his face in his hands. Louis kisses the left side of his head before grabbing his hand and dragging him inside. ‘Let’s cuddle in bed and make out all night like proper teenagers.’ The writer grins at him, mischief glistening in his eyes. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot happening in this one, I’m sorry. Probably my favorite chapter of all. 
> 
> end of the the laziest author's note ever.

_ chapter six : September  _

It is early September when Louis finally admits out loud that he likes Harry. The thing is that Louis is not so comfortable about expressing his feelings. He is not really good at it, or at least that’s what he likes to think. Once he loves though, he is the most loyal and dedicated person you’ll ever meet. Louis doesn’t have a lot of friends but they all know they can count on him at any time of the day or the night. Louis didn’t have a lot of romantic relationships as well, but man, once he loves. Once he loves he is insufferable, unable to shut up about how much he loves you. For some it’s endearing and adorable, for others, it’s overwhelming how much attention Louis gives you without expecting anything in return. Louis is loyal then. He is not scared to express his feelings to the ones he loves but he likes to make sure that his feelings are reciprocated before expressing anything. Louis likes Harry then. He came to this conclusion the night before and ever since he woke up his chest feels heavy with anxiety and fear. Louis is not gonna tell Harry. No way. Harry is a successful writer whose book is gonna be adapted into a movie. Harry is basically a superstar. And Louis. Louis is a scientist for the government of Great Britain. Louis is no one and Harry will forget about him as soon as they land in London next month. Louis feels the lump in his throat getting a bit bigger. Harry doesn’t love Louis like that and it’s alright. He can’t keep it to himself though. He can’t share it to Harry but he has to talk to someone or it’s gonna drive him crazy. His choice lands on his sister. Or the world chooses his sister more like.

Louis hadn’t planned to talk to Lottie about Harry. He hadn’t planned to tell her anything about his feelings as well but life decided otherwise when he comes back one early afternoon from observing the kuas family and Harry states ‘Your sister called.’ from the bedroom. Louis’ head snaps and he runs to the room, his clothes dripping behind him. 

‘My sister?’ 

‘Lottie right? Your sister?’ Harry is lying on his back on Louis bed, reading Louis’ bedside book, a narrative story about British colonization in New Zealand. His position doesn’t seem comfortable but well. Louis’ not here to talk about Harry’s reading position. 

‘What did she tell you? Why did she call?’ That was not the plan. He was supposed to go back to England and not talk about Harry to anyone but Liam and forget about the writer.

‘She wanted to know how you were doing. You didn’t answer her texts.’ Louis groans before heading to the lab. 

**&**

‘Glad to know you’re still alive.’ Lottie says first thing when she picks up the phone and Louis sighs. 

‘I was busy.’ He can hear her rolling her eyes.

‘Yeah sure. It never stopped you from answering my texts before.’ 

‘I-I was busier than usual.’ he stutters and Charlotte hums. 

‘C’mon Lou update me on the gossip.’ She shrieks and Louis shakes his head. He is not gonna have this conversation with his younger sister. He isn’t 100% sure about his feelings. It’s nothing really. 

‘So there is something then.’ And- What? ‘You said  _ it’s nothing _ . There must be something bothering you if you’re playing the  _ it’s nothing _ card.’ Louis really needs to stop thinking out loud. ‘Tell me. Is it about Luke? Or Harry?’ Louis knows she is devillishely smirking on the other side of the line. He sighs. 

‘Yes.’ Lottie squeals and he is pretty sure he can hear her clapping. He shakes his head, trying to hide the huge smile on his face. Screw it, Lottie can’t see him anyways. ‘We kissed. We- we kiss.’ 

‘Oh my- I didn’t expect that.’ She sounds panicked. ‘Are you okay?’ 

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ Louis snaps. ‘Am I not allowed to enjoy the presence of a pretty boy?’ 

‘Lou… That’s not what I meant, you know it.’ Louis sighs before crashing in the chair at his desk. The heaviness of his feelings feels too much all of a sudden. 

‘I really like him Lotts.’ he whispers and yes, he is scared as fuck. Last time he really liked someone, it took him months before admitting it out loud and even though Luke and him lived happily for almost three years he is still bitter about how their love story ended. It is insane to think that something between him and Harry would be possible when he is on other continents half the year and Harry lives in New-York most of the time. He doesn’t need his sister to convince him that something would be possible. It is not. Louis knows it. 

‘Tell him.’ Louis laughs sarcastically. 

‘Yeah sure Charlotte.’ 

‘Don’t Charlotte me Louis. Tell him you like him for fuck’s sake. You can’t avoid feelings and love just because you got your heart broken once.’ Louis gapes. ‘No, let me finish. What do you have to lose anyways? Nothing. Worst case scenario, you go back to Bristol, he goes back to New-York and your paths never cross again.’ Louis sighs. ‘I’ll be here to catch you if you fall Lou. Arms full of ice creams and greasy food.’ He chuckles. ‘Tell him Lou. It’d be stupid to miss the oportunity of a great love story right?’ All Louis can do is hums. ‘Love you Lou, glad to know you’re doing okay.’ Louis rolls his eyes when she hangs up without warning him. Louis will never have kids. 

**&**

‘And let me kiss Lou!’ 

‘Oh my god, you’re such an idiot.’ Harry squeals in front of the mirror in the tiny bathroom. 

‘Jesus Lou you scared me.’ he says, his hand on his heart. Louis smirks at him from the doorframe. Harry is currently brushing his teeth in way too tight sweatpants and the sight is, according to Louis, delightful. He has one of Louis’ headbands holding his hair back while he is stupidly dancing in the small light of the bathroom. 

‘That was quite a show.’ he says laughing. 

‘How long have you been stalking me?’ Harry asks pouting. 

‘Long enough to hear your amazing rendition of Kiss You. Didn’t know you were a fan.’ he gags and the writer glares at him. Louis steps in to wrap his arms around Harry’s hips who’s still trying to cover his face with some kind of weird cream. The younger man rubs his face against Louis’, smearing a bit of the blue cream on his face. The scientist growls, biting the other man’s shoulder. 

‘They’re good.’ Louis snorts. 

‘Yeah sure.’ The writer turns around to face him, his hands resting on his hips. 

‘They really are. Met them last summer when they played at the MSG, they’re cool guys.’ 

‘Did they know who you were? I thought they were 12 or something.’ Harry shakes his head. He looks more endeared then annoyed so Louis guesses everything’s fine. 

‘They’re like 20-ish. And yes, they knew who I was.’ Louis hums. ‘What are you doing here anyway? I thought you had stuff to do.’ Harry plants a closed kiss on Louis' lips. 

‘Just wanted to check up on you.’ Harry coos. 

‘That’s pretty cute of you.’ Louis blushes before looking down at his feet. 

‘I- Uhm. I’ve- I’ve read your poems.’ The writer frowns. ‘Please don’t be mad, I didn’t mean to. Your notebook was open on the table and I just happened to sit at the table to work and it was here.’ Harry chuckles nervously. ‘Shit wait, it sounds ridiculous. Let me explain. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to. I’m-’ Harry cuts him off with a kiss. Louis’ eyes are wide with surprise. ‘You’re not mad?’

‘Why would I be?’ Louis frowns. ‘They’re all about you.’ he whispers, looking down at their intertwined fingers. ‘They’re all about you Louis. The poems.’ Harry sighs, his cheeks lightly pink. Louis grabs his head in his hands to kiss him. 

‘Say it again.’ he begs. 

‘The poems are about you. All of them. Everything’s always about you Louis.’ he whispers like a mantra in the scientist’s neck, against his jawline, behind his ear. Louis can’t help the moan that escapes his lips when Harry bites his lower lip before kissing him feverishly. 

‘Touch me.’ he whispers, tugging on his ear lobe. Louis takes a sharp breath : his brain short-circuited a while ago but he is still standing. Not for long though if Harry keeps biting his neck and ear. 

‘Bed, bed, bed.’ Louis manages to say, his voice low and his eyes dark with lust. 

**&**

Harry whines. ‘Lou c’mon.’ he begs breathless and the scientist smirks. His tongue traces a trail from his neck to the tattoo on his hips.

‘I've been dreaming about this one.’, he whispers, tracing the tattoo with his finger. Harry shivers. 

‘H-Have you?’ Louis doesn’t answer, lost in his own head, and kisses the tattoo instead. His breath makes Harry quivers once more. ‘I’ve been dreaming about how I wanna ravage your body for weeks.’ Harry moans. 

‘T-tell me’ he stutters, breathless. If Louis didn’t know why Harry’s face was this red, he would worry. For now, though, he knows he is the only reason why Harry looks this wrecked and he can’t help but think how wonderful it would be to have Harry in his bed looking like this every night. 

Louis sucks on Harry’s neck and smirks at the bruise he left. ‘I’m gonna show you instead.’, he whispers between the writer’s lips. Louis can feel Harry’s hands going lower on his back until he fully grabs Louis’ ass and grinds against him, rubbing their two hard cocks through their trousers. 

‘Off, off, off.’, Harry chants in Louis’ neck. Louis is too dressed for Harry’s liking. He sits, trying to balance on his tiptoes : Harry is under him and he looks so fragile. Louis feels like he could break every single of his bones if he just sat. Louis takes his sweet time to let his eyes wander on Harry’s upper body and face. ‘Lou, you’re gorgeous.’ Harry whispers, his hands tracing Louis’ abs and hips. He looks wrecked already with his glassy eyes and swollen lips. Louis moans when Harry licks one of his nipples and starts sucking on his collarbone. ‘I’ve been dreaming about tasting your skin.’ Louis shivers under Harry’s tongue. ‘Can I?’, Harry asks when his hands finally reach his jeans. Louis nods, at loss for words. ‘These jeans, oh my god Louis, I’ve been wanting to take them off ever since I saw you in them this morning.’ Louis moans. Harry peels the tight jeans off Louis’ legs and squeezes his ankles which causes Louis to giggle before throwing the black skinny jeans at the end of the bed. Louis’ skin is on fire under Harry’s fingertips. He is so lost in thought he didn’t feel Harry’s hands until they are squeezing his ass. All he can do is moan when the writer’s cold hand starts stroking his leaking cock in his pants. Harry rubs his thumb at the wet tip and Louis wants to come right here and now on Harry’s innocent face. 

‘Ha-Harry, babe, stop I-I’m- I don’t want to- Not yet.’ he babbles. Harry grins at him and lays back on the mattress. Harry sinfully slides his wet thumb in his mouth, looking at Louis straight in the eyes, his pupils wide with lust. Louis moans at the sight, throwing his head back. Harry is teasing him and all Louis wants to do is to fuck him. He grabs Harry’s hips and slides both his sweatpants and pants along his endless legs. Louis starts a path of wet kisses from Harry’s ankles to his hips. 

‘L-Lou please.’, he sobs. Louis is now sucking on his inner thighs, his hand wrapped around Harry’s cock. Harry gapes for air when Louis finally sucks on the tip, letting his tongue slide on the slit. Harry moans and Louis hums. ‘F-fuck me L-Louis.’, the writer begs, grabbing Louis’ hands where they are gripping his hips to put them on his plump ass. Louis lets go of his dick with a  _ pop  _ and looks at him with wide eyes. 

‘You sure?’, he whispers and Harry nods. Louis' smile widens and he kisses Harry’s hips and mouth before running wherever. 'Don't move.’ he says to the younger one from the door frame. He comes back a couple of minutes later, his browns frowned. 

‘Everything okay?’ Harry dares to ask from the bed where he is lazily stroking on his cock. Louis is so breath taken at the sight he feels like someone kicked him in the chest. ‘Jesus Harry.’ He runs to the bed and crashes next to him, sucking on his neck. 

‘There’s no lube.’ 

‘Shit.’ Harry whispers under his breath. 

‘I’m sorry H.’ Louis whispers, batting Harry’s hand away determined to make Harry come anyways. Harry is still hard between his hand and Louis is blinded by his beauty. His inked skin is covered by a thin layer of sweat that makes his body glistening like a thousand stars.  _ He is gorgeous _ , Louis thinks. Harry frowns. 

‘You don’t want me anymore?’ , he pouts. 

‘I-Of course I do H. I just don’t wanna hurt you.’ Louis admits, cheeks slightly pink tinted. 

‘Lou. Lou look at me.’ Harry takes the scientist’s hands in his. ‘I want to do it. I want you. It’s not my first time with or without lube. As long as we have condoms I’m okay with anything. I want you Louis. Please.’ Harry is breathless and Louis jumps on his bright red lips. Harry moans when Louis’ tongue licks his lower lip. 

‘God, you make consent so hot.’ Louis says slightly tugging on Harry’s jawline skin. 

From then on, the world only revolves around them. They’re barely talking, giggling from time to time, moaning most of it. Harry sobs and begs, his skin burning hot and sweaty under Louis’ fingertips. They slowly build their way up to a shared orgasm, Harry coming in a cry on the sheets. Louis comes a few seconds after, collapsing on Harry before rolling on his side trying to catch his breath. 

‘Holy fuck.’ he whispers, laid on his back. 

**&**

‘Are you gonna visit me in New-York?’ Harry asks, his head resting on Louis' chest while Louis is playing with his hair. It’s longer than when Louis saw him for the first time 4 months ago. So long that Harry has started to steal Louis’ headband lately. Long hair suits him though so Louis is not gonna complain. Louis freezes at the question though. 

‘I- Well-’ Harry frowns before sitting in their homemade king size bed. He is wearing Louis long sleeves shirt which is too small for him and barely covers his wrists and his hips. ‘What do you mean?’ Louis stutters. His mind is still hazy from the orgasm Harry gave him

‘I was just wondering how we would do that.’ 

‘Do what?’ Louis whispers and he doesn’t like the dramatic turn of this conversation. 

‘Us?’ Louis feels like his heart has been thrown outside in the cold. He gapes at Harry who lowers his gaze and lays down next to him, his back facing Louis. ‘It’s fine, forget about what I said.’ he mumbles. Louis doesn’t know what to say so he kisses Harry’s shoulder blade and turns off the light. 

He can feel Harry hiccuping next to him all night. 

**&**

They go separate ways at Santiago's airport. It is sad and heartbreaking. Harry cries. Louis doesn’t. Or at least he does his best not to. He still has 10 hours in the air, he’ll have plenty of time to cry. Louis sees Harry for the last time when he waves at him in the huge hall of the airport before heading for his gate. 

**&**

Louis cries in front of his gate in Madrid. He is exhausted and has been in planes and airports for almost 24 hours. Harry and him are definitely not on the same continent anymore. He is almost home though. Only 45 minutes to wait and then all the way to London. He can do it. He just wants to sleep. He doesn’t know what time it is anymore. Doesn’t know which day it is either. 

Louis sits in one of the comfy chairs in front of his gate. Louis opens Twitter only because he has some time to spare and doesn’t want to fall asleep. For entertainement purpose only, he doesn't really like the app anymore. It used to be funnier a couple of years back. It’s been weeks since he opened the app. He wishes he didn't. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re getting close to the end, the last chapter before the epilogue : it had started and was supposed to be a super short chapter but I got carried away. This one is probably the one I enjoyed the most writing.  
> Don’t hate me too much, it broke my heart as well. I promise it’s worth it. I promised an happy-ending didn’t I?

_chapter seven : October to February_

**_October_ **

Louis is strongly intoxicated in his [ Peter Parker ](https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/397372367102027377/) costume. He still can’t believe he convinced Liam to throw a party at their house yet here he is, smoking a joint in their backyard with a couple of his friends and other people he has no clue who they are. Everything’s a bit hazy around him but the warm feeling of alcohol in his stomach is comforting. From afar, the sight is quite delightful : the colourful lights and the huge speaker Liam borrowed from one of the guys at the Agency are making the house look like a club. Everyone is laughing and drinking in their Halloween costumes, loudly screaming the lyrics of Zombie. _In your head, in your head_ , hums Louis under his breath. They should have warned the neighbours. Mister Walker is a widower in his late 50s and they’re gonna keep him up all night. Louis checks his phone in his pocket. 10:28. He has time to go. Maybe he is still awake. Maybe he has time to apologize. He crosses the tiny yard and the packed living room, heading to the front door. 

‘Lou, where you going?’ Liam shouts, standing on the dining table, a pretty Harley Quinn attached to his arms, sipping on a beer. 

‘Mister Walker.’ he slurs using his hands as a megaphone. Liam frowns and shrugs, Harley Quinn jumping on his back, leaving a hickey in his neck. 

The cold wind of late October hits Louis in the face once he opens the door. Some people cheer for him while they’re smoking or making out in front of the house and Louis waves at them before turning right to their neighbour’s house. 

‘Louis. Hi. What are you doing here?’ he smiles at him from the door frame. 

‘Louis, jesus. I saw you going outside.’ Eleanor grabs him by the shoulder looking panicked. She probably left the door open behind her because Louis can hear the music from here. This, or the music is really loud inside. 

‘I ‘ust wan’ed to warn Mr. Walker for the par’y’ he slurs and the old man chuckles. Eleanor holds her friend by the waist with a small smile on her face. 

‘Well he is here’ she points at the man ‘What about I apologize for you and we go back inside okay?’ Louis nods. ‘I’m really sorry Sir. They probably forgot to warn you it was a last minute thing. I hope we’re not bothering you too much.’ She grimaces. The old man in the doorframe smiles widely at her. 

‘It’s fine don’t worry for me, have fun son.’ he says to Louis before turning towards Eleanor. ‘Take care of him, he is a good lad.’ she chuckles when Louis leaves a sloppy kiss on her cheek. Mister Walker waves at them both before closing the door. 

**&**

‘You’re not Harry.’ He tells Eleanor once she’s carried him upstairs. He is laying on his back in his bed. Everything around him is spinning faster than it should while he tries to figure out what’s the[ song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKC_VzkEH80) playing downstairs. It’s been a while since he’s been this drunk. Drunk and high. Louis giggles in his hand.

‘I’m not Harry no.’ Eleanor chuckles from the bathroom in Louis' room, a wet towel in hands. Louis wants to cuddle Harry. He wants Harry to tuck him in bed when he is drunk. Harry is in New-York. Harry is not Louis’. Harry is his own little single self because Louis is too scared to reach out to him. Maybe Harry is having his own Halloween party at his flat with his friends. Maybe he is making out with a random guy right now. An American guy. Louis cringes. Even worse, what if he is having sex with someone else than Louis now? 

Louis throws up on Eleanor shoes. 

**_November_ **

Louis gives up on hiding his pain on a rainy mid-November day. He knows Liam can hear him sobbing in the shower and pretends not to see the purple bags under his eyes. He knows Eleanor pretends everything is normal when she texts him at 11 on a Friday night to go out and Louis answers with a picture of his computer screen at the office. They all play pretend. 

The rain is pouring outside when he comes back from work and Liam is sitting on the couch, a warm cup of tea in hands. Louis is drenched, cold and tired. He hasn’t properly slept in days and Simon sent him home earlier than the others because ‘I know you’ve been at the office since 4 this morning Tomlinson.’ 

‘Go take a shower, I’ll make you tea.’ Liam says, grabbing Louis’ soaked jacket to throw it in the dryer. Liam didn’t expect his best friend to crumble on his knees in the hallway and sob. Though, here they both are. Liam slowly rocking him back and forth, Louis hiccuping in his neck. ‘Shh, Lou. It’s gonna be okay.’ Liam soothes him, stroking his short hair. 

Louis ends up falling asleep on Liam in the hallway, both of them soaked with rain and tears.

**_December_ **

Louis celebrates his birthday tucked in his bed eating mint chip ice cream and drinking tequila straight from the bottle. He knows Lottie didn’t buy his lie about having stuff to do on Christmas Eve but she also knows he hasn’t been doing well lately so she didn’t push further. He is going up north tomorrow anyways. He still doesn’t get how he found the strength to go Christmas shopping but he is very proud to say that all the presents are wrapped and already packed in the trunk of his car. The alarm on his phone is already set for 7 the next morning and he’s packed some clothes for a couple of days. He has snacks ready in the kitchen and Liam is supposed to call him once he is on the road to make sure he is really on the road. If everything goes smoothly he should be in Doncaster around 12, this including leaving half an hour late and traffic on the road. Everything is perfectly planned. 

Today is not tomorrow though and Louis wants to celebrate his birthday on his own. Liam headed to Wolverhampton earlier this morning after waking him up with a birthday breakfast. Louis had managed to hold back the tears until Liam left. He facetimed his siblings with a fake smile plastered on his face and once they were distracted by some cartoon on the tv, he talked a bit to Lottie who of course saw right through his lies and asked him to take care of him. She wished him a happy birthday one more time before hanging up. 

He hadn’t moved from his bed ever since. He was currently looking at the ceiling, sipping on tequila with a straw, a birthday hat on his head. The sight was pathetic and he knew it. He was turning 29 and he looked like he was just waking up from a frat house party. His phone beeps twice next to him. Louis groans. Can’t they leave him and his broken heart at peace for just a day? _New tweet notification from Harry Styles. Text message (1) : unknown_. Louis takes two sips of tequila for courage and clicks on the first notification. 

  
  


He whines before closing the app and opening the text. It says : ‘ _hi Lou_ ’ Lou. Louis holds back a sob. ‘ _it’s Harry. Got your number from Liam. Happy birthday. Merry Christmas Eve. Hope you’re doing alright_ .’ _I’m currently in bed with a half empty bottle of tequila_ , he thinks. ‘ _Happy birthday again. See you soon?x H._ ’ Louis doesn’t realise he answered the text until the next morning when his phone rings from somewhere under the sheet at 7 a.m sharp. Louis head is throbbing and he needs at least two aspirins, a large cup of coffee and a caramel muffin before hitting the road. The conversation is still open on his screen and Louis realises he indeed drunk texted Harry at 10 in the evening wishing him a Merry Christmas. Harry probably thinks he was out with friends to celebrate. The mere thought of Harry has him running to the bathroom. 

**_January_ **

Louis doesn’t hear from Harry after his birthday. He still has the text. He looks at it sometimes before sleeping to make sure it wasn’t a dream. To make sure Harry is real, that what they had is real. That’s what hurt the most probably. Knowing that it was real and they’ll never have it again. 

Louis lets his thoughts drift away while he is on the train. He is heading to London for a conference and decided to take the train instead of the car, not wanting to bother with the traffic. Louis hadn’t realised someone had sat in front of him and gave a polite smile to the lady sitting there. Louis hadn’t realised either the face on the back of the book she is reading. She looks up when a whine escapes his lips and smiles at him. ‘Are you okay?’ she asks. Her voice is soft and the crinkles at the corner of her eyes tell Louis she is probably old enough to have kids his age. He sighs. 

‘Sorry.’ he says simply, still staring at the face at the back of the book, his eyes wet. She raises the book and closes it to look at the back. Her features soften. 

‘It’s fine darling.’ she smiles at him, still looking at Harry’s picture. ‘He is really nice looking isn’t he? And a really nice boy as well. I had the chance to meet him last year.’ Louis smiles weakly at her. 

‘Yeah he is. Both.’ he chuckles. ‘Can I hug you?’ he asks out of the blue. ‘You remind me of my mum.’ She stands in the moving train and Louis hugs her tight, letting go of a sob. She strokes his hair. ‘It’s alright darling. Everything’s gonna be alright.’ Louis nods, wiping his runny nose. 

‘Sorry that was completely inappropriate.’ he chuckles once they both sit back. 

‘I’m a mum, love it’s alright. I had to deal with broken hearts before.’ she winks at him and Louis’ cheeks turn pink.

‘I-How-’ Louis stutters.

‘It’s the way you look at him darling.’ she squeezes his hand in hers before standing to grab a small suitcase from under her seat. ‘Don’t wait until it’s too late.’ she whispers to him before slipping out of the train, leaving Louis alone with a heavy lump in his throat. 

**_February._ **

Liam keeps trying to get Louis out of bed for something else than going to work.

When he storms in his room on February 1st, he is greeted with the sight of Louis still in bed in the dark at 2 p.m. ‘Alright.’ he sighs. Liam claps his hands loudly and Louis whines. 

‘’m sleeping, leave me alone.’ Louis mumbles from under the duvet. Liam opens the blinds and the window, letting the cold winter wind engulfing the room. 

‘Tommo I’m done with your whinings.’, Liam says, throwing the comforter on the floor. Louis shivers and Liam, because he doesn’t want Louis to be sick, closes the window. Louis glares at him. 

‘Leave me alone Liam. I don’t need you.’ Liam snorts. 

‘You might not need me but you need a shower. And to wash those sheets, you fucking stink.’ Louis grabs the duvet from the floor and wraps it around his shoulder. ‘You’re gonna shower and put on proper clothes-’ he points at Louis’ weeks old sweatpants and hoodie. ‘and go out with me, breathe some fresh air, drink a beer at the pub and have Indian take-away.’ 

‘No thank you I pass.’

‘Alright.’ Liam raises his hands in the air. ‘I’m not gonna force you to do anything anymore. I think I’ve tried enough. But I’m tired so I’m gonna go.’ Louis gasps. ‘I’m tired of doing everything in this house. I’m tired of you treating me like shit and snapping at me all the goddamn time because you’re too scared to face the truth. You’re a pussy Louis and I’m tired of sugarcoating my thoughts about the situation. I give up. If you don’t want my help then so be it. You’re old enough to handle this by yourself after all. I give up Louis.’ Louis is sitting in bed, mouth agapes. ‘Spend his birthday in bed if you want to. I’m tired of your whiny ass. You’ve been my best friend for more than a decade now and I thought you were brave, so so brave, but you’re just a fucking coward to admit that you’re in love with him. And yes it might hurt. Yes it might not end the way you want it to end but for fuck’s sake Louis! You’re almost 30 and the love of your life is in the same fucking country as you. So yeah, I give up. You know what I think now.’ Liam slams the door behind him, startling Louis, lost in his own thoughts. ‘I’ll be at Maya’s until you get your shit together.’, he shouts from the other side of the door. 

Louis only allows himself to cry when he hears the front door slamming behind Liam. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are, the end. If you’ve read until here, thank you so much for your support, you don’t understand how much it means to me. I have actually made a playlist while I was writing this. It’s some songs I was listening to while writing but also songs that inspired me bits of this story, so if you’re interested here it is : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2XY4IrfeS3qxxfI6ra8Abd?si=A8LfmZypSl-TPTi9MzLt3w. 
> 
> Once again, I can’t thank you enough for reading this story which started as a way to escape the boredness of lockdown and was inspired by a random tweet I can’t even find anymore.

**_February 26th._ **

‘ _take a look at this!_ ’ says the text he just got from Eleanor. And while Louis wonders what she means by _this_ , he gets a second second text with a link redirecting him on some kind of gossip website Eleanor loves so much. 

_‘_

_Is Edward S. t_ _he new Banksy?_ ’ says the headline. ‘ _The new growing star of Instagram hit more than 3 millions followers on the platform this weekend, a couple of months after opening his account. All in black and white, his poetry account counts more than a billion likes while the identity of the writer is still unknown. While we can guess he is a man going by the name of ‘Edward’ - his last name starting with an S according to the few poems signed ‘e.s’. - no one knows about his age or physical appearance. The sketches going with the poems seem to be from his very own hands as he says to a fan asking under one of his posts : ‘are the drawings yours? or do you work with someone?’ comments the fan as the artist answers: ‘all mine :)’ And if the artist seems to really care about his anonymity, the new trend online is to gather as much evidence as possible to find the identity of the writer. Twitter accounts, Tumblr pages - such as doyouknowwhoEis.tumblr.com, the name BEING based on the successful Harry Styles novel. - have flourished online for the past couple of months. So what do we precisely know about Edward S. ? Almost nothing if we’re being completely honest. One thing seems to question his online fans though : who is the man he is talking about ? Indeed out of almost 370 posts, most of them come with a drawing of a man or a couple, so the question is : who is the man? Are the man and the couple related? The burning theory is the idea of an ex-boyfriend and this morning again, the fans of the writer were exposing their theory online : ‘i’m glad someone broke E’s heart or we would never have had these masterpieces.’ writes @ESNYcharlotte on Twitter, or even ‘HAS ANYONE READ E’S LAST POEM?? YOU’VE GOT MY DEVOTION BUT MAN I CAN HATE YOU SOMETIMES???? MAN!!! M! A! N!’ And even though the question about his sexuality is all over his Instagram page, the writer is very much quiet about it. It seems obvious to a lot of us out there that the writer is currently healing from a broken heart and we wish him all the best for the recovery._ ’ 

Louis is out of breath. His thoughts are everywhere and his heart is pounding in his chest. Everything’s blurry around him while he grabs his phone and types ‘edward poems instagram’ in the search bar. 362 posts. 362 posts about Harry and his broken heart. 362 posts about Harry and him. About their love story. Because yes, it is time for him to face the truth, Louis is in love with the man. He’s been ever since that day in the tent when Harry was shivering by his side, his lips all purple and he had wanted to kiss them to warm him up. Louis’ hands are shaky and sweaty when he composes Eleanor’s number.

‘I’m in love with him.’ 

‘Oh my god it was about time.’ his friend says on the other side of the line. ‘What are you gonna do about it now?’ 

‘What am I- What?’ 

‘Tell me you have a plan Louis! I’ll follow you anywhere you know that, what are you gonna do now?’ 

‘What am I supposed to do El?’ 

‘Jesus Christ Lou. The guy is crazy about you!’ 

‘How did you know it was him? And me?’ 

‘I’ve been listening to your whinings for months, scrolling through his official and private Instagram page with you for hours, went to London with Liam to one of his conferences about your guys’ trip just to tell you if he said something about you! I knew it was about you the first time I read one of his poems. Now tell me we’re gonna do something, I’m so ready.’ 

‘Shit. Yes. Yes, okay. I’m gonna do something. I-’ 

‘He is in London.’ 

‘Is he? How do you know?’ 

‘His publishing house posted an Instagram story 30 minutes ago. He is signing his novel in a bookstore in downtown London. He- Okay yeah he is there until 5. You better hurry if you wanna go.’ 

‘Yeah, yeah okay I need to go to London, I need to see him.’ 

‘Yes, oh my god Lou hang up this goddamn phone and drive.’ 

**&**

When Louis bursts into the bookstore two hours later, the line is endless and his phone displays 4:48. The signing ends at 5. He doesn’t have time for manners. ‘Sorry, sorry, I gotta go, my boyfriend’s inside.’ he shouts and even though some people complain, most of them let him go. He is sweaty, didn’t even bother to change his dirty pair of jeans from the day before and the flowers he bought at the train station are withered. Louis sees Harry and all of a sudden, he is out of breath again. He is gorgeous. He didn’t cut his hair like he said he would and it is so long he actually managed to make a bun on the top of his head. Louis wanna rip off the hair tie and run his fingers through his long locks. He wants to smell his pear conditioner again and braid his hair. He is so gone for him. Why did it take him so long to realise that? 

He takes a step on the left to stand apart from the line. ‘it’s hard for me to go home and be so lonely.’ he states, staring at the writer who’s too busy chatting with a reader. The book store is silent, except for the few middle age women whispering to each other. Louis takes a step towards the desk and Harry finally acknowledges his presence. 

‘Louis.’, he mouths. Louis is frozen, not able to take any more steps. 

‘Harry.’ he whispers. They are staring at each other and the world around them is completely gone. 

‘Louis.’ the writer says louder this time, standing behind the desk, unable to move. 

‘I’m so painfully in love with you Harry.’ is all Louis manages to say and the few whispers left in the line stop. ‘It took me months to say it out loud but I’ve been in love with you since that day in the tent. On the field trip. I’m so so in love with you Harry Styles. And yes you might be an annoying hipster who writes anonymous poems online but god, oh god, I love you so much.’ And all of a sudden Louis feels so light, he is even scared he could fly if he wanted, as he crosses the room to face Harry behind the desk. Everyone is staring at them, some are even filming, and Louis feels like in those romantic comedies he sometimes watches with Liam or his sisters. Facing him is the man he loves. The man he’s been loving for months now. ‘And I’m so sorry Harry for breaking your heart and letting you believe I was using you. I was not. I was so deeply in love with you. I am deeply in love with you. Gosh it feels so good to finally say it. And I’m really really s-’ Harry’s lips crash on his and a wave of serotonin rushes through his body. 

‘You’re really really sorry I know.’ he whispers against his lips like those words are only theirs to share. ‘I am in love with you too Louis Tomlinson.’ Louis’ eyes are watery at this point and the lump in his throat is so big. 

‘Come to New Zealand with me.’

‘Are you asking me to marry you Louis Tomlinson?’ the writer teases and if the butterflies in Louis’ stomach go crazy at the mere thought of marrying his boy one day, he is the only one who has to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no amount of word is enough to thank you for reading this and giving my words a bit of attention. 
> 
> once again: thank you all so much 
> 
> yours, 
> 
> always, x


End file.
